yea.
i am alive. I'm not sure if anybody was concerned. I can't say that I'm well. I feel like I'm on the verge of a mental or emotional break down-except im completly sane. Sorta like an out of body experience-or a bad novel where you can read the hero's(and i use that word in the loosest sense) thoughts.
Ive stopped posting here because in essense it's the same. Went out. met people. Some of them were cool. some of them sucked. got drunk/high. etc. Nothing terribly interesting.
But tonight ive been tangling with the idea of what it is exactly that it means to be somebody's friend. in the movies and books it's always about sticking by them when they're down, but what about when they're just dumbasses? Are you required to stick around? And does it matter how long you've known people..can you just decide one day you're not going to deal with their shit or do you actually have to have some sorta major blow out and then declare you're done with them?
I mean..as a person i think i'm fairly considerate and patient. If you make a bad choice once, i'm more than willing to hang in there with you and see it through till the end. But what if you keep making that mistake over and over and over. HOw many times do i have to stand by and be the one to pick up the pieces?
I mean if you screw up and EYE tell you that you messed up and you need to change..but you dont..and you keep expecting me to be there..what about me? What about what i want-to be free of this?
Sometimes i feel as if im some sort of emotional idiot. a punching bag for peoples shit. I just want to yell "no." and walk away but i'm too nice. people always say that they enjoy me because im so nice..and i often wonder if everybody elses best quality is also their biggest weakness.
on a side note ive decided that college is really horse shit. I mean it's a great to party for 4 years...or 5,6,7..however many it takes you to complete it. But they show you this information...and send you out into the world and sure maybe you can make great decisions or maybe you're awesome at some dope computer programs..but college doens't teach you what it takes to be happy or at peace. Thats why you hear all these stories of people who spend 30-40 years in some shitty jobs, quitting to go back to get degrees in philosophy.
why does it take people so long to figure that out?
I just would like to be happy but i don't know it is that makes me happy. I mean i know the things that don't make me happy but why is the other list so fucking small?
Ive stopped posting here because in essense it's the same. Went out. met people. Some of them were cool. some of them sucked. got drunk/high. etc. Nothing terribly interesting.
But tonight ive been tangling with the idea of what it is exactly that it means to be somebody's friend. in the movies and books it's always about sticking by them when they're down, but what about when they're just dumbasses? Are you required to stick around? And does it matter how long you've known people..can you just decide one day you're not going to deal with their shit or do you actually have to have some sorta major blow out and then declare you're done with them?
I mean..as a person i think i'm fairly considerate and patient. If you make a bad choice once, i'm more than willing to hang in there with you and see it through till the end. But what if you keep making that mistake over and over and over. HOw many times do i have to stand by and be the one to pick up the pieces?
I mean if you screw up and EYE tell you that you messed up and you need to change..but you dont..and you keep expecting me to be there..what about me? What about what i want-to be free of this?
Sometimes i feel as if im some sort of emotional idiot. a punching bag for peoples shit. I just want to yell "no." and walk away but i'm too nice. people always say that they enjoy me because im so nice..and i often wonder if everybody elses best quality is also their biggest weakness.
on a side note ive decided that college is really horse shit. I mean it's a great to party for 4 years...or 5,6,7..however many it takes you to complete it. But they show you this information...and send you out into the world and sure maybe you can make great decisions or maybe you're awesome at some dope computer programs..but college doens't teach you what it takes to be happy or at peace. Thats why you hear all these stories of people who spend 30-40 years in some shitty jobs, quitting to go back to get degrees in philosophy.
why does it take people so long to figure that out?
I just would like to be happy but i don't know it is that makes me happy. I mean i know the things that don't make me happy but why is the other list so fucking small?