ladidadada
Thomas is drawing a sick ass design on my back with this liquid eyeliner and i cant get up or go anywhere until hes finished. Good thing I have my trusty laptop. So the proceeding is pure train of thought.
Im thinking I might start waitressing. Some shit fell through with the new job and Im not gonna be getting as many hours as I thought I was. No way I got fucked over?!?! That almost never happens.
Man this job market sucks. See once I get hired at a place I dont fuck around. I actually put in the work and dont slack off and I wind up being one of their good workers. I hear that at every job eventually. But actually acquiring a job in the first place is such a pain in the ass. I havent worked at THAT many places. But the places that I have I for the most part, wind up being there a while.
I dont know what discourages employers-the 'lack of experience' or simply my age.
My mom keeps telling me to go work at a bank. Thats what she did and she loved it. She met my dad through the bank that she worked at. So he used to work at a bank too. My sister works in a bank as well.
I dont want to work in a bank.
Im not trying to be difficult or anything. But I fucking hate numbers. Which is why when they put me in the boxoffice at Nation I get really irritated. I mean I know its a compliment because it means they trust me with transactions but sometimes you'll get your people that pay with a hundred dollar bill and they're getting a certain amount of tickets and I have to do subtraction in my head and I feel retarted because it takes me a while just because I always triple check shit when it comes to money. Then they look at me like Im stupid because its taking me so long. I hate numbers man.
I remember one thing that my mom said to me when I had lunch with her about a month ago and she was talking to me about my money issues. And she said the one thing that would pretty much make me cast asside my stubborness and ideals regarding work. She told me how if she only spoke english fluently she would take advantage of all the opportunities that it would present her. Then she told me how hard it was to take care of children and how she wishes she could do something else that wasnt so physically demanding and didnt leave her so tired at the end of the day. I felt horrible after she told me all that. I felt so fucking spoiled. My mom has a way of making me feel terrible about things without even trying just by making points. Shes the only person that can do that. Actually make me feel really bad about things regarding my life. If I start feeling bad about things its usually through my own doing and my own thought process. I dont resent her for it. Shes just being honest along with giving me a reality slap. But I felt terrible after that. Because I knew she was right.
My sister on the other hand, shes always been very lenient with me. Supportive of everything I do. I know the main reason why is because she knows how bad my depression can get. She just doesnt want me to break down. Even though shes only 5 years older than me, Vons been a parent to me more than my dad could have ever been. Shes my conscience. I can tell her anything in the world without hesitation. And she can do the same with me. She never judges me or makes me feel shitty. Despite all the FUCKED up shit that happened to us growing up, I can honestly say we have been very fucking lucky to have each other.
I just dont want to disappoint them. They have all these high expectations for me and I always have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind to fulfill them. Yet I dont really. It sucks. I know this isnt it though. Who knows what the rest of my life could bring. I mean fuck.
Life is full of surprises.
Hopefully.
Im thinking I might start waitressing. Some shit fell through with the new job and Im not gonna be getting as many hours as I thought I was. No way I got fucked over?!?! That almost never happens.
Man this job market sucks. See once I get hired at a place I dont fuck around. I actually put in the work and dont slack off and I wind up being one of their good workers. I hear that at every job eventually. But actually acquiring a job in the first place is such a pain in the ass. I havent worked at THAT many places. But the places that I have I for the most part, wind up being there a while.
I dont know what discourages employers-the 'lack of experience' or simply my age.
My mom keeps telling me to go work at a bank. Thats what she did and she loved it. She met my dad through the bank that she worked at. So he used to work at a bank too. My sister works in a bank as well.
I dont want to work in a bank.
Im not trying to be difficult or anything. But I fucking hate numbers. Which is why when they put me in the boxoffice at Nation I get really irritated. I mean I know its a compliment because it means they trust me with transactions but sometimes you'll get your people that pay with a hundred dollar bill and they're getting a certain amount of tickets and I have to do subtraction in my head and I feel retarted because it takes me a while just because I always triple check shit when it comes to money. Then they look at me like Im stupid because its taking me so long. I hate numbers man.
I remember one thing that my mom said to me when I had lunch with her about a month ago and she was talking to me about my money issues. And she said the one thing that would pretty much make me cast asside my stubborness and ideals regarding work. She told me how if she only spoke english fluently she would take advantage of all the opportunities that it would present her. Then she told me how hard it was to take care of children and how she wishes she could do something else that wasnt so physically demanding and didnt leave her so tired at the end of the day. I felt horrible after she told me all that. I felt so fucking spoiled. My mom has a way of making me feel terrible about things without even trying just by making points. Shes the only person that can do that. Actually make me feel really bad about things regarding my life. If I start feeling bad about things its usually through my own doing and my own thought process. I dont resent her for it. Shes just being honest along with giving me a reality slap. But I felt terrible after that. Because I knew she was right.
My sister on the other hand, shes always been very lenient with me. Supportive of everything I do. I know the main reason why is because she knows how bad my depression can get. She just doesnt want me to break down. Even though shes only 5 years older than me, Vons been a parent to me more than my dad could have ever been. Shes my conscience. I can tell her anything in the world without hesitation. And she can do the same with me. She never judges me or makes me feel shitty. Despite all the FUCKED up shit that happened to us growing up, I can honestly say we have been very fucking lucky to have each other.
I just dont want to disappoint them. They have all these high expectations for me and I always have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind to fulfill them. Yet I dont really. It sucks. I know this isnt it though. Who knows what the rest of my life could bring. I mean fuck.
Life is full of surprises.
Hopefully.