i owe you nothing.
youth group was horrible. that's all there is to it. jonathan is 'dating' some mandy chick. she said so. luke said so. but he denies it. he says they're 'just friends.' ha. i wish i could believe him. i really, really do. it's just so hard given everything that's going on these days. we talked at the end, after i went off on him in my mind, but was really telling him he needed to make an ultimate decision by the end of the night. he said he does in fact want to be with me but still needs a little time. i told him i'm tired of hurting like this. i hope he listened.
it's beautiful outside right now. this is the best thunderstorm we've had in a long while, i think. i layed out on my porch for about fifteen minutes earlier. the first five it was just thundering with a few lightning bolts here and there. then it began to pour. lightning constantly for a few consecutive minutes. i loved it. i'm soaked. i'm not even going to bother changing my clothes before bed. my pillow smells like jonathan still, which is amazing because i don't think he's touched it in about two weeks. i think this is the first time i've ever actually wanted to get rid of the traces of himself he's left behind.
i wish i could do the same for every inch of my body he's touched and ruined. i feel sick to my stomach. i want to curl up next to him on my living room floor, though. and if i were, i don't think i would ever want to move. okay, so fuck. i just need to be held. off i go to my precious futon to cry and lie there wanting someone to hold me.
i really hope joe [mariah's joe] gets to come over tomorrow. we're getting wasted. i hope. mmmm.
wallaby, please.
it's beautiful outside right now. this is the best thunderstorm we've had in a long while, i think. i layed out on my porch for about fifteen minutes earlier. the first five it was just thundering with a few lightning bolts here and there. then it began to pour. lightning constantly for a few consecutive minutes. i loved it. i'm soaked. i'm not even going to bother changing my clothes before bed. my pillow smells like jonathan still, which is amazing because i don't think he's touched it in about two weeks. i think this is the first time i've ever actually wanted to get rid of the traces of himself he's left behind.
i wish i could do the same for every inch of my body he's touched and ruined. i feel sick to my stomach. i want to curl up next to him on my living room floor, though. and if i were, i don't think i would ever want to move. okay, so fuck. i just need to be held. off i go to my precious futon to cry and lie there wanting someone to hold me.
i really hope joe [mariah's joe] gets to come over tomorrow. we're getting wasted. i hope. mmmm.
wallaby, please.