Impossible to have friends in your 30s
this weekend was a nightmare for me. it was nice to get away and spend some time with steve's mom and family but because i ran out of meds it was absolute hell for me. we were going to his cousin's wedding shower on saturday which was fun but it was the last fucking thing i wanted to do. when im off my meds i am a complete asshole and to make it worse i dont care that i am acting that way. it did cause us to fight yesterday and he was pretty upset with me but i didnt care at all. before it got really ugly between us he told me about some drama that was about to go down with a couple we hang out with and it just made me livid because this will most likely end in divorce and make things all fucking weird and i will lose a pretty cool friend because of it. its not so much that im losing the friend or the double dates we would go on its the fact that the marriage was taken advantage of. steve and i would love to get married but we cannot afford it we arent in a good spot right now to be able to do it and he expressed to me yesterday that he feels bad for not being able to give me the wedding i deserve. he is just as aggravated about the whole thing as i am. i just cannot believe that happened and i am just over it. end rant.