The Tepid Pool.
I try to not get online or do much to anything on days when I'm feeling this way, but frankly I don't have anything else I can do. Its probably best that only a few people know of this page as it is... I suppose it can let me voice things now and then.
I'm trying to think of the best way of putting it all down. But its difficult because in truth its not any one thing. Part of it is being lonely. Part of it is feeling like I should be doing more with me life. Yet another part of it is a general feeling of being lost. All of these things and more are constantly bombarding me. Add in the fact that I'm always having to change who I am so that I can interact with people. It is so tiring sometimes. And eventually I reach a point of just being overwhelmed. Always worried I'll say something that people will take the wrong way. That things will change and suddenly people I've known for years won't talk to me again.. Certain traits that I inherited, while such a boon in some areas, can cause me so much grief at the same time. Being able to look at a situation and pick it apart to try and understand all its components has th side effect of seeing possibilities to a situation that people often wouldn't think of. Especially when I've seen those results before.
I heard the statement once that 'Ignorance is bliss'. I don't know if the person who came up with that statement knew how true it really was. I don't say that I have an above average intelligence to be arrogant. Its just the way it is. I'm able to understand things very quickly and work through them faster than most people I know. In any given situation I'm able to gain an understanding and a working knowledge of whatever I'm assigned to very very quickly. You would think that it would give me an edge on things. but in reality its been a curse. Disliked by people who are older and more experienced because i can get to their level of competence in such a short time. Add into that the fact that I'm never really comfortable around people for fear that they'll react like so many others when they get to know the real me. They leave. I've had so many people leave over the years. I can't even count them all anymore.
And I'll make it through this like I always do. But sometimes the loneliness just is too much to bear and I just need.. something. I don't know what it is I need. But my very being cries out for it. And I wander around my house and town for a day or two hoping to find it. But I never do. And finally the feeling subsides again and I can just ignore it. At least for a while.
I'm not sure any of this is making any sense. Hell, I'm not even sure why I'm posting it, these aspects of me I always keep to myself. I suppose I just felt that I had to get it out somewhere for once. Maybe make some sense of it.
Sadly, I haven't made any sense of it...
I'm trying to think of the best way of putting it all down. But its difficult because in truth its not any one thing. Part of it is being lonely. Part of it is feeling like I should be doing more with me life. Yet another part of it is a general feeling of being lost. All of these things and more are constantly bombarding me. Add in the fact that I'm always having to change who I am so that I can interact with people. It is so tiring sometimes. And eventually I reach a point of just being overwhelmed. Always worried I'll say something that people will take the wrong way. That things will change and suddenly people I've known for years won't talk to me again.. Certain traits that I inherited, while such a boon in some areas, can cause me so much grief at the same time. Being able to look at a situation and pick it apart to try and understand all its components has th side effect of seeing possibilities to a situation that people often wouldn't think of. Especially when I've seen those results before.
I heard the statement once that 'Ignorance is bliss'. I don't know if the person who came up with that statement knew how true it really was. I don't say that I have an above average intelligence to be arrogant. Its just the way it is. I'm able to understand things very quickly and work through them faster than most people I know. In any given situation I'm able to gain an understanding and a working knowledge of whatever I'm assigned to very very quickly. You would think that it would give me an edge on things. but in reality its been a curse. Disliked by people who are older and more experienced because i can get to their level of competence in such a short time. Add into that the fact that I'm never really comfortable around people for fear that they'll react like so many others when they get to know the real me. They leave. I've had so many people leave over the years. I can't even count them all anymore.
And I'll make it through this like I always do. But sometimes the loneliness just is too much to bear and I just need.. something. I don't know what it is I need. But my very being cries out for it. And I wander around my house and town for a day or two hoping to find it. But I never do. And finally the feeling subsides again and I can just ignore it. At least for a while.
I'm not sure any of this is making any sense. Hell, I'm not even sure why I'm posting it, these aspects of me I always keep to myself. I suppose I just felt that I had to get it out somewhere for once. Maybe make some sense of it.
Sadly, I haven't made any sense of it...