My chair bites at my back.
I feel pretty sore in my back and my knees. My knees from flying with style, and my back from my poorly made computer chair. Some people would disagree with me...but...*points at the rocking part of the chair, which is square like instead of round* I don't know who's idea that was. I have two words that make this design flawed. *high impact*
Anyways, enough of that complaining.
I realize that I've generated this cloud of happiness over time. I do what I can to make it contagious, and call it my way of helping the world. When things would go wrong, I would add to the cloud, hoping that it would catch. It worked for the most part, except for a few occasions where it was just an overdose.
Bleh, metaphors.
Thing is, I've been acting way happier than I actually am. I've started to act the way I really feel, and it bothers people. Jamie said she fell in love with who I really am, yet I show... I don't want to talk about this either.
Karissa once told me that it's not wrong to be sad. So why does everyone try to fix it?
I remember getting on Jamie's nerves for trying to fix her sadness. Now I can finally relate.
I'm sad because My father is dead, and I'm itching for love, and it's getting harder and harder to convince myself to have any hope for my one dream to come true.
I blew away that cloud of happiness with Nature's Song yesterday. She told me so and I followed her word. Thank you, Raynbow. With that cloud gone, I feel like I can think clearly again. I have more confidence when I speak ( yet a studder still). I can look people in the eye, because I don't think about the mask I'm wearing anymore. And I can make decisions for myself. Now if only I could get to Music class on time >_<
I feel a little bad. I brought Jamie up today with a gift I gave her to show her that despite me always getting under her skin, I don't mean it, I just want to make peace. But then my actual state brought her down I think. Don't worry about me. I'm just...well...me.
Despite being confident about what I say, I don't seem to have much to talk about. I can't remember the last time I started a conversation. (A simple one that is. Giving a gift doesn't count.) The obvious answer is that I should start talking about something then, But I don't have anything to say. You remember old tom, with the big moustache, slightly creepy grin, shifty and shady eyes with the baseball cap? That's the real me. Well. That's my most natural persona.
*shrug* this stuff is so inward and self centered. There's a whole world out there of beauty, wonder, suffering and hardships. and all I talked about is me.
I got lost in my head earlier, just for a split second. It's been awhile since that happened. I got to visit the place I first met Raynbow and Mouer, out on the grassy mountain with no beach in the Pacific. I didn't get to feel the grass tickle my feet or the wind caress my face though. Maybe next time. The last time anything like that happened I was cuddling with Jamie for the first time and I was on top of Pikes Peak with my arms stretched out wide, The sun warming my back and the wind cooling my front, causing a tornado of feeling through my soul.
yay daydreams.
There is a big hole in my heart. And I can't fill it with love. So I will fill it with Peace.
Dragoshi
Anyways, enough of that complaining.
I realize that I've generated this cloud of happiness over time. I do what I can to make it contagious, and call it my way of helping the world. When things would go wrong, I would add to the cloud, hoping that it would catch. It worked for the most part, except for a few occasions where it was just an overdose.
Bleh, metaphors.
Thing is, I've been acting way happier than I actually am. I've started to act the way I really feel, and it bothers people. Jamie said she fell in love with who I really am, yet I show... I don't want to talk about this either.
Karissa once told me that it's not wrong to be sad. So why does everyone try to fix it?
I remember getting on Jamie's nerves for trying to fix her sadness. Now I can finally relate.
I'm sad because My father is dead, and I'm itching for love, and it's getting harder and harder to convince myself to have any hope for my one dream to come true.
I blew away that cloud of happiness with Nature's Song yesterday. She told me so and I followed her word. Thank you, Raynbow. With that cloud gone, I feel like I can think clearly again. I have more confidence when I speak ( yet a studder still). I can look people in the eye, because I don't think about the mask I'm wearing anymore. And I can make decisions for myself. Now if only I could get to Music class on time >_<
I feel a little bad. I brought Jamie up today with a gift I gave her to show her that despite me always getting under her skin, I don't mean it, I just want to make peace. But then my actual state brought her down I think. Don't worry about me. I'm just...well...me.
Despite being confident about what I say, I don't seem to have much to talk about. I can't remember the last time I started a conversation. (A simple one that is. Giving a gift doesn't count.) The obvious answer is that I should start talking about something then, But I don't have anything to say. You remember old tom, with the big moustache, slightly creepy grin, shifty and shady eyes with the baseball cap? That's the real me. Well. That's my most natural persona.
*shrug* this stuff is so inward and self centered. There's a whole world out there of beauty, wonder, suffering and hardships. and all I talked about is me.
I got lost in my head earlier, just for a split second. It's been awhile since that happened. I got to visit the place I first met Raynbow and Mouer, out on the grassy mountain with no beach in the Pacific. I didn't get to feel the grass tickle my feet or the wind caress my face though. Maybe next time. The last time anything like that happened I was cuddling with Jamie for the first time and I was on top of Pikes Peak with my arms stretched out wide, The sun warming my back and the wind cooling my front, causing a tornado of feeling through my soul.
yay daydreams.
There is a big hole in my heart. And I can't fill it with love. So I will fill it with Peace.
Dragoshi