I'm officially booking Dr's appts.
I really need to find a psychiatrist in town. My sleep schedule is all fucked up. I was in SUCH a bad mood yesterday morning. I'm definitely depressed, overwhelmed, and frustrated. I think it has a lot to do with the holidays and years of moving. Everyone I work with is asking for time off so they can be with family or friends and I am working both major holidays because I have nothing planned. My parents are going to be around prior to Christmas, but they have to leave by Christmas eve/morning and my sister can't get the weekend off so I volunteered to work Christmas eve and was assigned to work Christmas day so we are celebrating on Thursday prior. I am probably going to visit my brother and his girlfriend for a last minute vacation early December, but now I'm thinking I'd much rather be on the beach. Except that I have no one to go with. I have no best friend (and still have some lingering sadness over the loss of Michelle), no boyfriend/girlfriend (and bitter/mad at Jeff), and even though I've been on like four dates in the last month, none of them are working out.
Who do I call in the middle of the day, or at the end of the day when I feel like I need to connect to a close friend? Matt, my ex ex is a great friend but he is busy and hates the phone. Val doesn't keep her cell on during the week because she can't afford the minutes and is too tired after 9 to talk to that many people. I could leave her a message and she'd call back. Veronica is my newest friend here in town, but she is on Medicine for another month. Jenny I went to Jamaica and Chile with but sometimes talking to her drives me nuts. She is kind of a know it all. Everyone else I know is really just an acquaintance. Oh, except for my two friends from High School whom I speak with once or twice a year usually. Tiana and I might be better friends now because she only lives a couple hours north of me.
WTF? I seriously don't think anything is wrong with me, except that my life sucks presently and hasn't been stable in years. Moving certainly hasn't helped anything, and my friends have changed as I've grown as a person. My friends have also moved. Second year of Med School was actually pretty good. The summer before that was good. And my self-esteem has improved by leaps and bounds in the last four years especially. My early twenties were a disaster but I made it through.
So how frustrating is it to finally have a good self esteem, a great future, the chance at stability, but be totally lonely and depressed at the same time? Very.
Who do I call in the middle of the day, or at the end of the day when I feel like I need to connect to a close friend? Matt, my ex ex is a great friend but he is busy and hates the phone. Val doesn't keep her cell on during the week because she can't afford the minutes and is too tired after 9 to talk to that many people. I could leave her a message and she'd call back. Veronica is my newest friend here in town, but she is on Medicine for another month. Jenny I went to Jamaica and Chile with but sometimes talking to her drives me nuts. She is kind of a know it all. Everyone else I know is really just an acquaintance. Oh, except for my two friends from High School whom I speak with once or twice a year usually. Tiana and I might be better friends now because she only lives a couple hours north of me.
WTF? I seriously don't think anything is wrong with me, except that my life sucks presently and hasn't been stable in years. Moving certainly hasn't helped anything, and my friends have changed as I've grown as a person. My friends have also moved. Second year of Med School was actually pretty good. The summer before that was good. And my self-esteem has improved by leaps and bounds in the last four years especially. My early twenties were a disaster but I made it through.
So how frustrating is it to finally have a good self esteem, a great future, the chance at stability, but be totally lonely and depressed at the same time? Very.