LJ presents: Strange Horizons, part three
My girls are endlessly creative.
Yesterday, LJ gave her personal universe an extreme makeover... and I do mean "extreme"... for an upcoming story (that you'll read when I finally catch up with my novelisations). Tonight, stareyednight filmed a commercial for a national chain of video game/pop culture stores. And she was in costume! Not one, but six of her amazing cosplay creations will be featured in the finished product (the concept for the commercial is a lot of fun).
I'm so very blessed to be around them. And, in celebration of their amazing ways, I present to the world the latest installment in the saga of Selena Strange, daughter of the Sorcerer Supreme!
----------
LJ presents:
STRANGE HORIZONS
PART THREE
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
For Harley Quinn, it was the sort of Valentine’s Day she’d dreamed about for years. A handsome, vaguely-murderous man on her arm, a reality-warping witch bestie and her mechanical boy toy alongside, and an entire shopping district in which to indulge her shopaholic nature! “It’s like I died and went ta heaven,” she swooned, “an’ heaven was nothing but shopping malls and cute boys!”
Deadpool, her paramour, puffed up his chest with pride. “Only the best for you, my toxic Twinkie,” he crooned, ticking her under the chin until she giggled. “Giving you a son was but the first of my many romantic tricks for today!” He learned toward her and spoke in an exaggerated stage whisper. “What’s say we ditch our chaperones and paint the town red and black?”
The Vision rolled his eyes but the Scarlet Witch smiled. “I think it’s cute,” she told her partner, “in a completely demented way, of course.”
A baker approached them carrying a tray of sweet pastries. Vision waved the man away. “I cannot agree that it is cute,” he told his lady love, “but I will agree Harley’s current life mate is a significant improvement upon her previous choice of suitor.”
“Well,” the baker sniffed. “That’s just the height of rudeness, isn’t it?” And before the stunned synthezoid could react, the baker whacked him in the face with a lemon cream tart! The slapstick attack had a nasty follow-up; the pie plate had a built-in EMP that scrambled Vision's circuitry and knocked the AI Avengers offline instantly. “Tsk tsk,” the baker sighed, waggling a finger. “The kid can’t handle his sugar, apparently.”
Scarlet Witch turned to ensnare the baker in a hex bubble but froze - literally. Mr Freeze’s signature ray gun stopped her in her tracks. The cool, cruel villain was flanked by Sportsmaster and Black Manta, who took advantage of the distraction to ensnare Deadpool in a weighted drift net. Harley reached into her bag for her cork gun but the baker grabbed her wrist… and sent 5000 volts coursing through her body!
“Hello, pumpkin,” the baker growled, his voice terrifyingly familiar. “Miss me?”
“Mistah J?” Harley stuttered through her pain.
“Right on the first try,” Joker sneered, pulling off his disguise with his left hand while continuing to shock her with his right. “I woke up this morning and decided I owed you for all the Valentine’s Days, birthdays and Christmases I missed. So I’m going to leave you here, alone, while I go and prepare the ultimate present for you: a dead boyfriend to mourn over.”
He increased the voltage and, as Harley lapsed into unconsciousness, the last thing she heard was her abusive ex-boyfriend’s mocking laughter.
----------
They found her outside the Sanctum Sanctorum’s VHS room. Selena Strange’s hands had turned to mist and were floating away; she laughed as Kikou chased after them. When she saw Ironclad, Sunburst, Quickdraw and Shield Maiden approach, she willed her hands to reattach and picked the little monkey-creature up. “You’ve come back,” she said, that same blank/dreamy smile on her face. “I’m so glad. A lot of the time my imaginary friends just vanish, poof! Never to be seen again.” She looked down at her fingers. “You’re more like my hands.”
“Selena,” Ironclad said, “we’re not imaginary. We’re real. We’re human beings, just like you are, and…”
Selena giggled. “I’m sorry, but that’s so funny,” she said. “There’s only two other people like me: my Dad and Wong, our friend. ‘Human’… what a silly made-up word! I like it!” She vanished, reappearing in the wall behind them as part of the wallpaper. “Imaginary friends with imaginary words. This is such fun!”
Quickdraw (who’d insisted upon staying on Sleipnir’s back and so really hoped they weren’t actually precariously balanced atop a tastefully-appointed tap-dancing hall table) interjected. “Oh yeah? Well if we’re imaginary, Selena, then how do you explain our new friend?”
Torunn stepped forward. “Hello Selena,” she said. “I am Torunn, princess of Asgard. I have come to tell you of the world beyond these walls.”
Selena’s eyes widened. For a moment, Ironclad thought she saw enlightenment shimmering within them… but only for a moment. “Ooh, an Asgardian and an Equestrian,” she whispered, again in that dreamy tone. “My imaginary friends are growing more diverse!” She turned inside-out, changed colours three times, melted into the floor and reformed. “I can’t wait to tell Dad!”
The battle of wills continued. Every argument the young heroes made, from the nature of Ironclad’s armour to the contents of the VHS room (“All of these movies are filmed in real places!”), foundered on the rocky shores of Selena’s intractable innocence (“There’s such a thing as an American Ninja? Now I know this is all in my head!”). And yet they pressed on, Sunburst alone noticing the effect of the debate. The more evidence her friends presented, the more fantastical creatures filled the halls of the Sanctum. The closer to home they struck, the more incoherent Selena’s form became. And the more distressed the young sorcerer became, the more the atmosphere around them charged with eldritch energies. Though she did not share her father’s weakness to magic, Sunburst had nonetheless been raised to respect its power… and she was deeply concerned.
“This is difficult for you, Selena,” Torunn said. “Please understand I know that and sympathise; I, too, was raised in a world beyond the earthly realm and found it hard to comprehend. But through my friends have I bettered myself and made a life beyond my father’s house. Isn’t it time you did the same? Come with us, please, and let us show you so many wonderful things.”
The Aesir princess’ sincerity seemed to reach Selena. Tentatively, she stretched out her hand… only to be thrown suddenly sideways! Kikou shrieked as his mistress slammed into the wall and slumped down onto the floor, felled by an unexpected blast of blue energy.
Torunn drew her sword and deflected a second blast of energy. Shield Maiden stepped in front of her and blocked jets of intense heat and cold. The young heroes readied their weapons, clenched their fists and turned to meet their enemy.
“My dear niece and her playmates,” Loki intoned, smoke still rising from the tip of his Chitauri sceptre. The Destroyer and a Frost Giant stood at his sides. “Fancy meeting you here, of all places.”
----------
“Honestly, though - and tell me true, Mr Clown - have you ever had an original thought?”
Deadpool was upside-down, wrapped in metres of chain that was bolted to the walls and being menaced, from all sides, by a selection of knives and cutlery that would make a chef drool. But the merc with a mouth would be damned if he’d let a little something like a death trap stop him from voicing his opinion - especially to the number one rival for his lady’s affections.
“I mean, come off it, Joker! This is the same kind of nonsense you’ve been pulling for years! And hello, healing factor over here! You can slice and dice me in 150 different ways and I’ll still come back and stick your purple foot in your stupid grinning mouth!”
Joker, unsurprisingly, laughed. “Taunt all you like, Kiddiepool,” he replied, “but it’ll do you no good. For one thing, a reliance on death traps is an indication of style - something about which you clearly have no idea, given the design of your costume.” He wrinkled his nose distastefully. “Secondly, there’s no beating the classics. Third, the best way to make Harley suffer for choosing you over me is to put you through an excruciating experience she understands and has seen time and again - thus, a death trap it is.”
He turned away from his preparations and leaned in close to Deadpool’s masked face. “And finally, you dim-witted Deathstroke cosplayer,” he snarled, “there’s no coming back from this particular death trap. See that sluice grate below you? Once you’ve been filleted, diced and desiccated, all the teeny tiny pieces of you will fall through it and be divided into separate, deadbolt-sealed unbreakable glass jars. There’ll be no pulling yourself back together this time, Wilson. Just an eternity of awareness of your head, limbs, lungs and spleen in separate places! Imagine how frustrating it’ll be when your nose gets itchy and your hand is in a completely different place, unable to scratch it!” He clasped his hands together and gazed wonderingly at the ceiling. “Why, it will be simply marvellous! The first ever living death trap! I’m a genius!”
Deadpool was silent for a moment. “Ah,” he said. “Well, when you put it that way… HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! I DON’T WANT TO BE INCAPABLE OF SCRATCHING MY NOSE!”
There was, it seemed, no help coming. Scarlet Witch was encased in a death trap of her own: a complex, multifaceted crystal prism that changed shape, rather than opening, in response to her hex blasts. And because it was air-tight, she was rapidly suffocating. Vision, meanwhile, was being held securely in place by electromagnets. Joker hadn’t figured out how to kill the synthezoid and so had hand-balled the task to Mr Freeze’s scientific expertise. The cryonic criminal worked feverishly at a computer terminal while Sportsmaster, bored, balanced knives on his fingertips.
“When I agreed to break out with you,” he sighed, “I figured on more action.”
“Don’t worry your pretty little helmet-clad head,” Joker called as he danced between the knives, ensuring they were sharp. “As soon as we off these three bozos and break Harley’s traitorous, jezebel heart, we’ll move on to the main event: invading their ridiculous House of M and reclaiming it for true, unfettered villainy!” He jabbed the air to emphasise his point. “This time it’ll be our sort of utopia, with no iron-butted Doom or baldie-boy Lex to boss us around!”
“This is such a stupid idea,” Black Manta droned as he walked back into the room.
Sportsmaster dropped the knife. Mr Freeze looked up from his computer. The tension in the room was palpable as they waited for Joker’s reaction.
“What did you say?” the clown prince of crime thundered.
“Black Manta, chill out,” Sportsmaster pleaded.
“No,” Black Manta snapped. “Someone has to say it, and it might as well be me. This is a stupid plan, Joker! Magneto is already more than powerful enough to squash us like bugs, and you want to make him madder by offing his daughter and android-in-law? Or were all your grand schemes just a smokescreen so we’d break out alongside you and give you the muscle to take down Deadpool? Huh? Maybe you’re just afraid to face Deadpool one-on-one!”
Joker’s eyes were wide. A vein twitched, visibly, under one of his pasty white temples. “How dare you?” he screamed. “How dare you!” He ran to the edge of the death trap platform and moved to leap at Black Manta… but tripped and landed flat on his face. Dazed, he looked back and saw one of the knives had come loose from its mooring and pinned his pants leg to the platform. Unfortunately for Joker, the rest of the knives had also come loose - and were hovering in mid-air, aimed directly at him!
With a shriek of fear, Joker tore himself loose - leaving his pants behind in the process - and ran, the knives zipping through the air in pursuit. Mr Freeze tried to stand but a mass of creeper vines snaked out from the cracks in the floor and tied him down. Sportsmaster moved to cut him free but bone-shaped throwing weapons whizzed out of the darkness and knocked the blades from his hands.
“They’re here,” he cried, running across to Black Manta. “The House of M is here!”
Black Manta tutted. “You’re stupid, too,” he sneered. “We’ve been here for ages.” And, before Sportsmaster’s horrified eyes, Black Manta morphed and shifted into Mystique. The mutant took more than a little perverse delight in using her martial arts skills to slap the hapless assassin around for a while. Her rescue plan had worked perfectly!
Joker, meanwhile, was huddled in a corner like a terrified child. “Leave me alone,” he wept, covering his eyes as if that would make the knives vanish. “Go away!”
Magneto, who was controlling the knives, stepped into view with a grim expression on his face. “Open your eyes, foul clown,” he ordered. “You need to see this.”
Joker opened one eye and peered through his fingers. Harley was standing next to Magneto, mallet in hand. “You were the worst boyfriend a girl could have,” she said, “and then you became the worst ex-boyfriend a girl could have! Time fer you ta get out of my life, ya creep!” With a mighty swing, she slammed the mallet into Joker’s face. Several of his teeth flew out of his grinning mouth while others snapped and broke under the force of the blow.
Magneto and Poison Ivy freed Scarlet Witch and Vision. Lord Death-Man had Deadpool free by the time Harley joined them; the world’s most bizarre family hugged each other tight. Mystique watched it all with an unfamiliar feeling in her heart… one of joy. Of satisfaction. Of happiness.
Vision looked across at her and nodded a thank you. Mystique nodded in return. It was more than an acknowledgment of his gratitude… it was an acknowledgment that he had been right. She was needed in the House of M. She was capable of being a valuable part of their team. And she was, unbelievably, happy to belong with the mutants, men and misfits.
Mystique had found a home.
----------
Shield Maiden tried to absorb the Destroyer’s blasts while Sunburst sought to topple it. Quickdraw ran rings around the Frost Giant, but neither her arrows nor Ironclad’s repulsor blasts could penetrate its armour. Neither Torunn nor Loki paid attention to their struggles; they were absorbed in their own conflict. Torunn had not forgotten, and would never forgive, the way her uncle had used her and abused her trust; Loki nursed a healthy grudge over the foiling of his plans. They shouted curses and hurled abuse at one another as they clashed, sword on staff and magic against lightning, in a continuance of an old family feud.
And then an enormous mystical gorilla leaped into the fray and pummelled Loki with a flurry of mighty punches!
Torunn watched, agape, as Kikou’s were-gorilla form savaged the god of lies. A faint, plaintive sound reached her ears: Selena had regained consciousness and was crying. Torunn went to help her, holding her close and smoothing her hair.
“That hurt me,” Selena wept. “I’m hurt.”
“You’ll be all right, Selena,” Torunn assured her.
“That hurt me,” Selena repeated. Her tears turned into droplets of acid, and then liquid magma, as the light inside the Sanctum dimmed. “I’m hurt. This isn’t my imagination. My imagination doesn’t hurt me.” She looked up and her eyes were pools of obsidian darkness, dripping tears of phosphorous. “He hurt me,” she rasped, eerie eyes locked into Loki. “He hurt me!”
She opened her mouth and shrieked - a soulless, piercing sound that tore through everyone present. Torunn and her friends dropped to their knees, momentarily deafened, while the Destroyer rocked back on its heels and the Frost Giant’s armour shattered. Loki was knocked off his feet as if he’d been hit by a tidal wave; the Chitauri sceptre tumbled from his grasp. Selena rose into the air; she had become an avenging angel of darkest magic. The Frost Giant growled, and she erased him with the twitch of a finger. The Destroyer opened its faceplate, and she atomised it with a look. Loki looked up, dazed and confused, and Selena…
“Stop!” Torunn commanded, putting herself between her uncle and her new friend. “I will not let you do this, Selena! Whatever the shortcomings of your upbringing, you are the daughter of Stephen Strange, the Sorcerer Supreme! He may not have taught you of the world but I know he would have taught you the value of life! No one, no matter how aggrieved, may take the life of another! I bid thee stand down!”
Selena continued to advance, the room warping madly around her. Kikou had returned to her side and was, moment by moment, growing larger and more savage. Quickdraw raced past them both and joined Torunn, taking her by the hand. Shield Maiden, Sunburst, Ironclad and Sleipnir joined them. “We’re not imaginary, Selena,” Ironclad yelled over the din, “and we’re not going anywhere. So if you want to destroy Loki, you’ll have to go through us!”
In a split-second, everything returned to normal. They were in a normal hallway, Kikou was tiny and Selena stood before them with a pained, uncomprehending expression. “But he hurt me,” she said, her tone more wounded than her body. “That’s not right. That’s…”
“Real?” Ironclad asked. “Yes, it is. That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you, Selena.”
“I don’t like ‘real’,” Selena pouted. “It’s ugly. It’s scary. It hurts.”
Ironclad struggled to respond. Torunn pushed forward. “That’s right,” she said, “reality can be like that. But it’s also full of amazing things, Selena, and amazing people. Things as… well, as mundane as walking through a field but spectacular as smelling a flower. Things as ordinary as eating but as thrilling as ice cream. Love, laughter, bravery, fun, tears, joy, pain and happiness.” She threw her left arm around Ironclad’s shoulders and held her right hand out to Selena. “My friends showed me all of that,” she smiled. “Will you let them… let me… be your friends so we can show you?”
Selena frowned for a moment, then smiled a little, and put her head on Torunn’s shoulder. She cried as the princess and Ironclad held her. Kikou sought comfort from Sleipnir. Sunburst, Quickdraw and Shield Maiden watched, more than a little disturbed by the events they had witnessed. Loki, meanwhile, eased himself up to a sitting position and chuckled softly.
“Like a babe lost in the woods,” he tutted. “So unlike her mother. And at the same time possessed of power enough to put the world to the torch, so much like her mother. It amuses me, how the apple falls from… and rolls away from… the family tree. Not that I can talk, of course.”
“What are you talking about, trickster?” Sunburst demanded, eyes flashing red with heat vision.
“Stay your fiery gaze, Kryptonian half-breed,” Loki said dismissively, holding his hands up in surrender. “I meant no offence. I was merely amused by the girl’s similarities to her mother. I knew her as a child, you see, and she was much the same at this age.”
The young heroes were puzzled… all except Torunn. “No,” she said darkly.
“Oh my, yes,” Loki smiled. It was not a nice smile. “Yes, yes indeed.”
A bolt of magical energy sizzled across the room and struck Loki in the forehead; with a scream, he disintegrated. Horrified, the young heroes turned to Selena. “He was upsetting everyone so I sent him away,” she said. There was vagueness in her voice once more but this time it had iron in its core. “Just like I did the other two. They’re far, far away now.” She smiled brightly. “So: when do we leave on our first adventure? And can Kikou come? And can I ride the pony with all the legs? I do believe that would help me, you know. If things are going to be strange for me then something nice and normal, like Sleipnir, would be comforting…”
Ironclad took Torunn aside. “What did Loki mean?”
“It was a lie,” Torunn shook her head. “I’m certain of it.” She hesitated. “I think. Drat it all, this is the problem with dealing with my uncle! Mischief can be built as well on truth as it is on lies!”
“What are you ---“
Torunn held up a finger for silence. “I do not believe Loki’s ‘hint’,” she said, “but I do not believe we can dismiss it out of hand, either. I ask you to trust me, Maria, and follow my lead.”
“Lead? Where are we going?”
Torunn sheathed her sword. “To unravel this mystery, we will require the assistance of a Sorcerer Supreme,” she announced. “And, since we cannot approach the magical protector of this realm for obvious reasons, we must go on a trip.” She looked at Selena, who was patting Sleipnir. “To discern the identity of Selena’s mother we must travel… to Equestria!”
-----TO BE CONTINUED!-----
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF
Yesterday, LJ gave her personal universe an extreme makeover... and I do mean "extreme"... for an upcoming story (that you'll read when I finally catch up with my novelisations). Tonight, stareyednight filmed a commercial for a national chain of video game/pop culture stores. And she was in costume! Not one, but six of her amazing cosplay creations will be featured in the finished product (the concept for the commercial is a lot of fun).
I'm so very blessed to be around them. And, in celebration of their amazing ways, I present to the world the latest installment in the saga of Selena Strange, daughter of the Sorcerer Supreme!
----------
LJ presents:
STRANGE HORIZONS
PART THREE
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
For Harley Quinn, it was the sort of Valentine’s Day she’d dreamed about for years. A handsome, vaguely-murderous man on her arm, a reality-warping witch bestie and her mechanical boy toy alongside, and an entire shopping district in which to indulge her shopaholic nature! “It’s like I died and went ta heaven,” she swooned, “an’ heaven was nothing but shopping malls and cute boys!”
Deadpool, her paramour, puffed up his chest with pride. “Only the best for you, my toxic Twinkie,” he crooned, ticking her under the chin until she giggled. “Giving you a son was but the first of my many romantic tricks for today!” He learned toward her and spoke in an exaggerated stage whisper. “What’s say we ditch our chaperones and paint the town red and black?”
The Vision rolled his eyes but the Scarlet Witch smiled. “I think it’s cute,” she told her partner, “in a completely demented way, of course.”
A baker approached them carrying a tray of sweet pastries. Vision waved the man away. “I cannot agree that it is cute,” he told his lady love, “but I will agree Harley’s current life mate is a significant improvement upon her previous choice of suitor.”
“Well,” the baker sniffed. “That’s just the height of rudeness, isn’t it?” And before the stunned synthezoid could react, the baker whacked him in the face with a lemon cream tart! The slapstick attack had a nasty follow-up; the pie plate had a built-in EMP that scrambled Vision's circuitry and knocked the AI Avengers offline instantly. “Tsk tsk,” the baker sighed, waggling a finger. “The kid can’t handle his sugar, apparently.”
Scarlet Witch turned to ensnare the baker in a hex bubble but froze - literally. Mr Freeze’s signature ray gun stopped her in her tracks. The cool, cruel villain was flanked by Sportsmaster and Black Manta, who took advantage of the distraction to ensnare Deadpool in a weighted drift net. Harley reached into her bag for her cork gun but the baker grabbed her wrist… and sent 5000 volts coursing through her body!
“Hello, pumpkin,” the baker growled, his voice terrifyingly familiar. “Miss me?”
“Mistah J?” Harley stuttered through her pain.
“Right on the first try,” Joker sneered, pulling off his disguise with his left hand while continuing to shock her with his right. “I woke up this morning and decided I owed you for all the Valentine’s Days, birthdays and Christmases I missed. So I’m going to leave you here, alone, while I go and prepare the ultimate present for you: a dead boyfriend to mourn over.”
He increased the voltage and, as Harley lapsed into unconsciousness, the last thing she heard was her abusive ex-boyfriend’s mocking laughter.
----------
They found her outside the Sanctum Sanctorum’s VHS room. Selena Strange’s hands had turned to mist and were floating away; she laughed as Kikou chased after them. When she saw Ironclad, Sunburst, Quickdraw and Shield Maiden approach, she willed her hands to reattach and picked the little monkey-creature up. “You’ve come back,” she said, that same blank/dreamy smile on her face. “I’m so glad. A lot of the time my imaginary friends just vanish, poof! Never to be seen again.” She looked down at her fingers. “You’re more like my hands.”
“Selena,” Ironclad said, “we’re not imaginary. We’re real. We’re human beings, just like you are, and…”
Selena giggled. “I’m sorry, but that’s so funny,” she said. “There’s only two other people like me: my Dad and Wong, our friend. ‘Human’… what a silly made-up word! I like it!” She vanished, reappearing in the wall behind them as part of the wallpaper. “Imaginary friends with imaginary words. This is such fun!”
Quickdraw (who’d insisted upon staying on Sleipnir’s back and so really hoped they weren’t actually precariously balanced atop a tastefully-appointed tap-dancing hall table) interjected. “Oh yeah? Well if we’re imaginary, Selena, then how do you explain our new friend?”
Torunn stepped forward. “Hello Selena,” she said. “I am Torunn, princess of Asgard. I have come to tell you of the world beyond these walls.”
Selena’s eyes widened. For a moment, Ironclad thought she saw enlightenment shimmering within them… but only for a moment. “Ooh, an Asgardian and an Equestrian,” she whispered, again in that dreamy tone. “My imaginary friends are growing more diverse!” She turned inside-out, changed colours three times, melted into the floor and reformed. “I can’t wait to tell Dad!”
The battle of wills continued. Every argument the young heroes made, from the nature of Ironclad’s armour to the contents of the VHS room (“All of these movies are filmed in real places!”), foundered on the rocky shores of Selena’s intractable innocence (“There’s such a thing as an American Ninja? Now I know this is all in my head!”). And yet they pressed on, Sunburst alone noticing the effect of the debate. The more evidence her friends presented, the more fantastical creatures filled the halls of the Sanctum. The closer to home they struck, the more incoherent Selena’s form became. And the more distressed the young sorcerer became, the more the atmosphere around them charged with eldritch energies. Though she did not share her father’s weakness to magic, Sunburst had nonetheless been raised to respect its power… and she was deeply concerned.
“This is difficult for you, Selena,” Torunn said. “Please understand I know that and sympathise; I, too, was raised in a world beyond the earthly realm and found it hard to comprehend. But through my friends have I bettered myself and made a life beyond my father’s house. Isn’t it time you did the same? Come with us, please, and let us show you so many wonderful things.”
The Aesir princess’ sincerity seemed to reach Selena. Tentatively, she stretched out her hand… only to be thrown suddenly sideways! Kikou shrieked as his mistress slammed into the wall and slumped down onto the floor, felled by an unexpected blast of blue energy.
Torunn drew her sword and deflected a second blast of energy. Shield Maiden stepped in front of her and blocked jets of intense heat and cold. The young heroes readied their weapons, clenched their fists and turned to meet their enemy.
“My dear niece and her playmates,” Loki intoned, smoke still rising from the tip of his Chitauri sceptre. The Destroyer and a Frost Giant stood at his sides. “Fancy meeting you here, of all places.”
----------
“Honestly, though - and tell me true, Mr Clown - have you ever had an original thought?”
Deadpool was upside-down, wrapped in metres of chain that was bolted to the walls and being menaced, from all sides, by a selection of knives and cutlery that would make a chef drool. But the merc with a mouth would be damned if he’d let a little something like a death trap stop him from voicing his opinion - especially to the number one rival for his lady’s affections.
“I mean, come off it, Joker! This is the same kind of nonsense you’ve been pulling for years! And hello, healing factor over here! You can slice and dice me in 150 different ways and I’ll still come back and stick your purple foot in your stupid grinning mouth!”
Joker, unsurprisingly, laughed. “Taunt all you like, Kiddiepool,” he replied, “but it’ll do you no good. For one thing, a reliance on death traps is an indication of style - something about which you clearly have no idea, given the design of your costume.” He wrinkled his nose distastefully. “Secondly, there’s no beating the classics. Third, the best way to make Harley suffer for choosing you over me is to put you through an excruciating experience she understands and has seen time and again - thus, a death trap it is.”
He turned away from his preparations and leaned in close to Deadpool’s masked face. “And finally, you dim-witted Deathstroke cosplayer,” he snarled, “there’s no coming back from this particular death trap. See that sluice grate below you? Once you’ve been filleted, diced and desiccated, all the teeny tiny pieces of you will fall through it and be divided into separate, deadbolt-sealed unbreakable glass jars. There’ll be no pulling yourself back together this time, Wilson. Just an eternity of awareness of your head, limbs, lungs and spleen in separate places! Imagine how frustrating it’ll be when your nose gets itchy and your hand is in a completely different place, unable to scratch it!” He clasped his hands together and gazed wonderingly at the ceiling. “Why, it will be simply marvellous! The first ever living death trap! I’m a genius!”
Deadpool was silent for a moment. “Ah,” he said. “Well, when you put it that way… HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! I DON’T WANT TO BE INCAPABLE OF SCRATCHING MY NOSE!”
There was, it seemed, no help coming. Scarlet Witch was encased in a death trap of her own: a complex, multifaceted crystal prism that changed shape, rather than opening, in response to her hex blasts. And because it was air-tight, she was rapidly suffocating. Vision, meanwhile, was being held securely in place by electromagnets. Joker hadn’t figured out how to kill the synthezoid and so had hand-balled the task to Mr Freeze’s scientific expertise. The cryonic criminal worked feverishly at a computer terminal while Sportsmaster, bored, balanced knives on his fingertips.
“When I agreed to break out with you,” he sighed, “I figured on more action.”
“Don’t worry your pretty little helmet-clad head,” Joker called as he danced between the knives, ensuring they were sharp. “As soon as we off these three bozos and break Harley’s traitorous, jezebel heart, we’ll move on to the main event: invading their ridiculous House of M and reclaiming it for true, unfettered villainy!” He jabbed the air to emphasise his point. “This time it’ll be our sort of utopia, with no iron-butted Doom or baldie-boy Lex to boss us around!”
“This is such a stupid idea,” Black Manta droned as he walked back into the room.
Sportsmaster dropped the knife. Mr Freeze looked up from his computer. The tension in the room was palpable as they waited for Joker’s reaction.
“What did you say?” the clown prince of crime thundered.
“Black Manta, chill out,” Sportsmaster pleaded.
“No,” Black Manta snapped. “Someone has to say it, and it might as well be me. This is a stupid plan, Joker! Magneto is already more than powerful enough to squash us like bugs, and you want to make him madder by offing his daughter and android-in-law? Or were all your grand schemes just a smokescreen so we’d break out alongside you and give you the muscle to take down Deadpool? Huh? Maybe you’re just afraid to face Deadpool one-on-one!”
Joker’s eyes were wide. A vein twitched, visibly, under one of his pasty white temples. “How dare you?” he screamed. “How dare you!” He ran to the edge of the death trap platform and moved to leap at Black Manta… but tripped and landed flat on his face. Dazed, he looked back and saw one of the knives had come loose from its mooring and pinned his pants leg to the platform. Unfortunately for Joker, the rest of the knives had also come loose - and were hovering in mid-air, aimed directly at him!
With a shriek of fear, Joker tore himself loose - leaving his pants behind in the process - and ran, the knives zipping through the air in pursuit. Mr Freeze tried to stand but a mass of creeper vines snaked out from the cracks in the floor and tied him down. Sportsmaster moved to cut him free but bone-shaped throwing weapons whizzed out of the darkness and knocked the blades from his hands.
“They’re here,” he cried, running across to Black Manta. “The House of M is here!”
Black Manta tutted. “You’re stupid, too,” he sneered. “We’ve been here for ages.” And, before Sportsmaster’s horrified eyes, Black Manta morphed and shifted into Mystique. The mutant took more than a little perverse delight in using her martial arts skills to slap the hapless assassin around for a while. Her rescue plan had worked perfectly!
Joker, meanwhile, was huddled in a corner like a terrified child. “Leave me alone,” he wept, covering his eyes as if that would make the knives vanish. “Go away!”
Magneto, who was controlling the knives, stepped into view with a grim expression on his face. “Open your eyes, foul clown,” he ordered. “You need to see this.”
Joker opened one eye and peered through his fingers. Harley was standing next to Magneto, mallet in hand. “You were the worst boyfriend a girl could have,” she said, “and then you became the worst ex-boyfriend a girl could have! Time fer you ta get out of my life, ya creep!” With a mighty swing, she slammed the mallet into Joker’s face. Several of his teeth flew out of his grinning mouth while others snapped and broke under the force of the blow.
Magneto and Poison Ivy freed Scarlet Witch and Vision. Lord Death-Man had Deadpool free by the time Harley joined them; the world’s most bizarre family hugged each other tight. Mystique watched it all with an unfamiliar feeling in her heart… one of joy. Of satisfaction. Of happiness.
Vision looked across at her and nodded a thank you. Mystique nodded in return. It was more than an acknowledgment of his gratitude… it was an acknowledgment that he had been right. She was needed in the House of M. She was capable of being a valuable part of their team. And she was, unbelievably, happy to belong with the mutants, men and misfits.
Mystique had found a home.
----------
Shield Maiden tried to absorb the Destroyer’s blasts while Sunburst sought to topple it. Quickdraw ran rings around the Frost Giant, but neither her arrows nor Ironclad’s repulsor blasts could penetrate its armour. Neither Torunn nor Loki paid attention to their struggles; they were absorbed in their own conflict. Torunn had not forgotten, and would never forgive, the way her uncle had used her and abused her trust; Loki nursed a healthy grudge over the foiling of his plans. They shouted curses and hurled abuse at one another as they clashed, sword on staff and magic against lightning, in a continuance of an old family feud.
And then an enormous mystical gorilla leaped into the fray and pummelled Loki with a flurry of mighty punches!
Torunn watched, agape, as Kikou’s were-gorilla form savaged the god of lies. A faint, plaintive sound reached her ears: Selena had regained consciousness and was crying. Torunn went to help her, holding her close and smoothing her hair.
“That hurt me,” Selena wept. “I’m hurt.”
“You’ll be all right, Selena,” Torunn assured her.
“That hurt me,” Selena repeated. Her tears turned into droplets of acid, and then liquid magma, as the light inside the Sanctum dimmed. “I’m hurt. This isn’t my imagination. My imagination doesn’t hurt me.” She looked up and her eyes were pools of obsidian darkness, dripping tears of phosphorous. “He hurt me,” she rasped, eerie eyes locked into Loki. “He hurt me!”
She opened her mouth and shrieked - a soulless, piercing sound that tore through everyone present. Torunn and her friends dropped to their knees, momentarily deafened, while the Destroyer rocked back on its heels and the Frost Giant’s armour shattered. Loki was knocked off his feet as if he’d been hit by a tidal wave; the Chitauri sceptre tumbled from his grasp. Selena rose into the air; she had become an avenging angel of darkest magic. The Frost Giant growled, and she erased him with the twitch of a finger. The Destroyer opened its faceplate, and she atomised it with a look. Loki looked up, dazed and confused, and Selena…
“Stop!” Torunn commanded, putting herself between her uncle and her new friend. “I will not let you do this, Selena! Whatever the shortcomings of your upbringing, you are the daughter of Stephen Strange, the Sorcerer Supreme! He may not have taught you of the world but I know he would have taught you the value of life! No one, no matter how aggrieved, may take the life of another! I bid thee stand down!”
Selena continued to advance, the room warping madly around her. Kikou had returned to her side and was, moment by moment, growing larger and more savage. Quickdraw raced past them both and joined Torunn, taking her by the hand. Shield Maiden, Sunburst, Ironclad and Sleipnir joined them. “We’re not imaginary, Selena,” Ironclad yelled over the din, “and we’re not going anywhere. So if you want to destroy Loki, you’ll have to go through us!”
In a split-second, everything returned to normal. They were in a normal hallway, Kikou was tiny and Selena stood before them with a pained, uncomprehending expression. “But he hurt me,” she said, her tone more wounded than her body. “That’s not right. That’s…”
“Real?” Ironclad asked. “Yes, it is. That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you, Selena.”
“I don’t like ‘real’,” Selena pouted. “It’s ugly. It’s scary. It hurts.”
Ironclad struggled to respond. Torunn pushed forward. “That’s right,” she said, “reality can be like that. But it’s also full of amazing things, Selena, and amazing people. Things as… well, as mundane as walking through a field but spectacular as smelling a flower. Things as ordinary as eating but as thrilling as ice cream. Love, laughter, bravery, fun, tears, joy, pain and happiness.” She threw her left arm around Ironclad’s shoulders and held her right hand out to Selena. “My friends showed me all of that,” she smiled. “Will you let them… let me… be your friends so we can show you?”
Selena frowned for a moment, then smiled a little, and put her head on Torunn’s shoulder. She cried as the princess and Ironclad held her. Kikou sought comfort from Sleipnir. Sunburst, Quickdraw and Shield Maiden watched, more than a little disturbed by the events they had witnessed. Loki, meanwhile, eased himself up to a sitting position and chuckled softly.
“Like a babe lost in the woods,” he tutted. “So unlike her mother. And at the same time possessed of power enough to put the world to the torch, so much like her mother. It amuses me, how the apple falls from… and rolls away from… the family tree. Not that I can talk, of course.”
“What are you talking about, trickster?” Sunburst demanded, eyes flashing red with heat vision.
“Stay your fiery gaze, Kryptonian half-breed,” Loki said dismissively, holding his hands up in surrender. “I meant no offence. I was merely amused by the girl’s similarities to her mother. I knew her as a child, you see, and she was much the same at this age.”
The young heroes were puzzled… all except Torunn. “No,” she said darkly.
“Oh my, yes,” Loki smiled. It was not a nice smile. “Yes, yes indeed.”
A bolt of magical energy sizzled across the room and struck Loki in the forehead; with a scream, he disintegrated. Horrified, the young heroes turned to Selena. “He was upsetting everyone so I sent him away,” she said. There was vagueness in her voice once more but this time it had iron in its core. “Just like I did the other two. They’re far, far away now.” She smiled brightly. “So: when do we leave on our first adventure? And can Kikou come? And can I ride the pony with all the legs? I do believe that would help me, you know. If things are going to be strange for me then something nice and normal, like Sleipnir, would be comforting…”
Ironclad took Torunn aside. “What did Loki mean?”
“It was a lie,” Torunn shook her head. “I’m certain of it.” She hesitated. “I think. Drat it all, this is the problem with dealing with my uncle! Mischief can be built as well on truth as it is on lies!”
“What are you ---“
Torunn held up a finger for silence. “I do not believe Loki’s ‘hint’,” she said, “but I do not believe we can dismiss it out of hand, either. I ask you to trust me, Maria, and follow my lead.”
“Lead? Where are we going?”
Torunn sheathed her sword. “To unravel this mystery, we will require the assistance of a Sorcerer Supreme,” she announced. “And, since we cannot approach the magical protector of this realm for obvious reasons, we must go on a trip.” She looked at Selena, who was patting Sleipnir. “To discern the identity of Selena’s mother we must travel… to Equestria!”
-----TO BE CONTINUED!-----
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF