wedding blues
Ok, first off, I want to make it clear, I love my future in laws - James's parents and his brothers have been incredibly welcoming and I can't wait to get to call them family.
However...
Once you get beyond that wonderful circle, then we are running into problems.
We've found a great venue for the reception and probably the ceremony as well. it's beautiful and historic and I'm really excited about it.
I had been planning on being married by an NC magistrate in a civil ceremony (with the aisle and some of the traditional trappings) but it came up in conversation about possibly getting married in a local church and then moving on to the reception. I have problems with this for several issues:
1. James' parents aren't members of any particular church
2. The Episcopal churches have mostly come down on the opposite side of the rights of gays to marry.
3. I refuse to get married by anyone I don't know, just to make James' Italian nona happy.
4. I'm not going to be married by someone who might say something to make anyone in my family, particularly my little sister, uncomfortable.
Apparently, I'm a better person than I thought, because according to my boss (the lovely and talented Susan Wigglesworth)I'm being more than accomodating by arranging to have the wedding on the other side of the country from my family and friends to make it possible for James' grandparents to attend the wedding since they can't fly.
Along that line, I called the priest at the church I am currently attending to see if he will be willing to come down to NC to officiate at the wedding, to try and offer a compromise. He's charming and incredibly warm and welcoming, along with being a biologist and the only person I know to mention Darwin and Christ in the same sermon. But we're getting married the week before Christmas and that's kindof a big time in the church year, so this may not work out. But I should get credit for at least trying!!
I'm also having trouble with a large portion of the guest list - James' family is about three times the size of mine, and since my parents are footing most of the bill, I feel like I should get at least some kind of veto power on guests.
I'm not trying to veto his cousins, or aunts and uncles, but I really object to inviting his freshman year roommate who doesn't really like me and who was notable only for his tendency to lock James out of the room because of his various sexcapades. Sorry, I'd rather make room for his old boss from the firm in Winston-Salem because he at least liked me.
It's going to come down to a confrontation and he's just going to have to deal with it, because while I can and will send invitations to people that I KNOW won't come, I dont' want to have to deal with people who will show up for free alcohol and could possibly piss me off on my wedding day. Family doesn't count in that category, because someone will probably say something with that result, but honestly, they're family and I HAVE to deal with them.
Thank god for my mom.
and that I will be home in Bend in about 32 hours. I'm ready for a break and if any of the Eugene crowd is up for trivia, I'm ready to go!
However...
Once you get beyond that wonderful circle, then we are running into problems.
We've found a great venue for the reception and probably the ceremony as well. it's beautiful and historic and I'm really excited about it.
I had been planning on being married by an NC magistrate in a civil ceremony (with the aisle and some of the traditional trappings) but it came up in conversation about possibly getting married in a local church and then moving on to the reception. I have problems with this for several issues:
1. James' parents aren't members of any particular church
2. The Episcopal churches have mostly come down on the opposite side of the rights of gays to marry.
3. I refuse to get married by anyone I don't know, just to make James' Italian nona happy.
4. I'm not going to be married by someone who might say something to make anyone in my family, particularly my little sister, uncomfortable.
Apparently, I'm a better person than I thought, because according to my boss (the lovely and talented Susan Wigglesworth)I'm being more than accomodating by arranging to have the wedding on the other side of the country from my family and friends to make it possible for James' grandparents to attend the wedding since they can't fly.
Along that line, I called the priest at the church I am currently attending to see if he will be willing to come down to NC to officiate at the wedding, to try and offer a compromise. He's charming and incredibly warm and welcoming, along with being a biologist and the only person I know to mention Darwin and Christ in the same sermon. But we're getting married the week before Christmas and that's kindof a big time in the church year, so this may not work out. But I should get credit for at least trying!!
I'm also having trouble with a large portion of the guest list - James' family is about three times the size of mine, and since my parents are footing most of the bill, I feel like I should get at least some kind of veto power on guests.
I'm not trying to veto his cousins, or aunts and uncles, but I really object to inviting his freshman year roommate who doesn't really like me and who was notable only for his tendency to lock James out of the room because of his various sexcapades. Sorry, I'd rather make room for his old boss from the firm in Winston-Salem because he at least liked me.
It's going to come down to a confrontation and he's just going to have to deal with it, because while I can and will send invitations to people that I KNOW won't come, I dont' want to have to deal with people who will show up for free alcohol and could possibly piss me off on my wedding day. Family doesn't count in that category, because someone will probably say something with that result, but honestly, they're family and I HAVE to deal with them.
Thank god for my mom.
and that I will be home in Bend in about 32 hours. I'm ready for a break and if any of the Eugene crowd is up for trivia, I'm ready to go!