WTF...

[dragonsmirror]

She's back in love with her fucking ex....After every reassurance that she was over her, done with that, loved her but not IN love with her....Oh but wait she still loves me, still in love with me...WTF am I suppossed to do with that???????? I can't move, I can barely breathe, I am not functioning at all. And I don't know if it will be ok. that's my famous phrase isn't it? It will all be ok? FUCK THAT!!!!!!! I thought I knew her, I thought that this was just a lil jealousy that her ex was moving on, IN LOVE WITH HER, SHE'S FUCKING IN LOVE WITH HER. No more safety fucking net, thats what got her, no more fall back girl. And now here I sit, torturing myself, thinking about where I went wrong. And the funny part is I pushed her to fix her friendship with the ex. I was trying to help, and I helped myself right into this mess. This went from "she's so annoying", "I don't really want to hang out with her" to "I'm sorry but I fell back in love with her".......... Oh God it hurts so much. I'm dying inside, that sounds so fucking angsty and young, but I am. My heart hurts so much in my chest I can't breathe. I want to kidnap her and take her far away and show her that it's ME, ME ME ME that belongs with her.

So many broken promises: "I'm not going anywhere ever"
"Of course" (This was an answer to a very important question)
"Nothing could ever take me away from you"
"I'll never hurt you" (This wasn't just broken, it was smashed into dust) "I'll always want you"
"No matter what I love you for who you are"
"As long as you stay the same person the rest doesn't matter"(HA!)
this one kept me hanging on:
"Please Devin you saved me from more that you could ever know"

And my personal favorite, the one that is making my heart bleed:
"No one could ever love you the way I do"
Because I know this one to be true I want to fucking die. Right here. Maybe she'd be happy then. And then I wouldn't feel at all.