Its Late, but I'm trying...
Despite the very disappointing lack of fallow up posts I have been trying and I have to some extent kept with the goal stated in my last post. It has changed, as everything dose in time particularly with me, I put down the book for some time but now that I’m in Maine, (working in South Portland ESD but living in good old Old Orchard Beach) I have picked it up again but with a different goal of reading just for the knowledge and not for the guided path or lessons. I’m just going to get threw the book and see what happens from there.
I am still saying my beads every morning though I have skipped some days and did take a very long break wile I was transitioning from California to here but I’m back with it again, though the missed days still happen. But I am starting to accept that. I have what I have always called my ‘phases’ though they can also be described as tides. Much like the ocean I flow in and out of everything but the important thing is that I always come back, so even as my devotions fade or fall I always come back to them and maybe the more I come back and the longer I stay the more they will be my light house, the one thing that is always there even as the tides move but for now that is not the case.
I have also been thinking of journaling again and have gone threw my old paper journals only to find that as before I can’t bring myself to mix the old with the new and start where I left off back in 06… yeah that long ago. So I’m back to typing and we will see how long it lasts this time. I found an old poem/dramatic writing I did for Mark in the long long ago wile I was looking threw those old journals… I burned it. I am very happy and very much in love with John and I don’t need my old loves hanging over me… I will never forget that I once did love him, but not anymore, there isn’t even the shadow of love left between us and so I found the writing to be very inappropriate and after reading it one last time erased it from the earth.
In more recent news I finally got a Tibetan Singing Bowl. I am very, very happy with the perches especially after feeling many nudges in the direction of getting some sort of bell to signal the beginning and ending of my morning prayers and future rituals I plan on having eventually. I have also picked up my bottle shrines again though progress has been slow after Sigyns. Hers turned out wonderful though and next shall be Sunna’s if I can ever get off of my but and do it. I have changed the model a bit, using paint on the outside and attempting to make clay things on the inside since I’ve given up on finding things that will fit.
Honestly I’m not sure what to write here… my life isn’t exactly the most exciting but I will try… as always that’s all anyone can ask of me and I will do it though this time I confess I won’t be trying as hard. So if there is a week long break or two between posts *shrug* oh well if there is a month or two… at least I came back at all, who knows maybe this philosophy will allow it to work more smoothly. At least this time I wont beet myself up about it.
I am still saying my beads every morning though I have skipped some days and did take a very long break wile I was transitioning from California to here but I’m back with it again, though the missed days still happen. But I am starting to accept that. I have what I have always called my ‘phases’ though they can also be described as tides. Much like the ocean I flow in and out of everything but the important thing is that I always come back, so even as my devotions fade or fall I always come back to them and maybe the more I come back and the longer I stay the more they will be my light house, the one thing that is always there even as the tides move but for now that is not the case.
I have also been thinking of journaling again and have gone threw my old paper journals only to find that as before I can’t bring myself to mix the old with the new and start where I left off back in 06… yeah that long ago. So I’m back to typing and we will see how long it lasts this time. I found an old poem/dramatic writing I did for Mark in the long long ago wile I was looking threw those old journals… I burned it. I am very happy and very much in love with John and I don’t need my old loves hanging over me… I will never forget that I once did love him, but not anymore, there isn’t even the shadow of love left between us and so I found the writing to be very inappropriate and after reading it one last time erased it from the earth.
In more recent news I finally got a Tibetan Singing Bowl. I am very, very happy with the perches especially after feeling many nudges in the direction of getting some sort of bell to signal the beginning and ending of my morning prayers and future rituals I plan on having eventually. I have also picked up my bottle shrines again though progress has been slow after Sigyns. Hers turned out wonderful though and next shall be Sunna’s if I can ever get off of my but and do it. I have changed the model a bit, using paint on the outside and attempting to make clay things on the inside since I’ve given up on finding things that will fit.
Honestly I’m not sure what to write here… my life isn’t exactly the most exciting but I will try… as always that’s all anyone can ask of me and I will do it though this time I confess I won’t be trying as hard. So if there is a week long break or two between posts *shrug* oh well if there is a month or two… at least I came back at all, who knows maybe this philosophy will allow it to work more smoothly. At least this time I wont beet myself up about it.