The Truth of Me
I am lazy, I won’t do anything if I’m not in the mood to do it, even if I’m bored and I want to do something I still will not do anything if nothing appeals to me.
I am dirty, I don’t like to bathe… actually I do like to bathe I am just often not in the mood, or I put it off till its to late and there are other things I want or need to do instead. But mostly want.
I am selfish; I will only do something that I want to do, even if I kind of almost don’t want to do it I will anyway if there is even the slightest reason that I do want to do it.
Example 1: I don’t want to clean my house… but I want a clean house, so sooner or later, usually later, I go on a cleaning spree and scrub my home only to let it get filthy again within a couple of days.
Example 2: I don’t want to help someone with something, but I want them to like/respect/admire me and so I do it with that in mind, because if they are happy and its because of me then I am happy.
I am twisted, I don’t like to see others suffer, but I imagine those who I dislike suffering, I am sickened by rapists’ and yet the thought of being raped excites me.
My life runs in fazes, because my moods run in fazes. I can be a devote friend and supporter for a few months and then avoid the person for a few later. I can play games non stop for weeks or months at a time then not even think about it for another. I will be a devote follower of the Gods, researching and praying then set them aside for a wile until the mood strikes again.
I am conceded, I have a better body then some, even most, and I know it even if I say otherwise. I’m hypnotized by my own eyes even if I shrug them off when others complement them. I know that when I work hard at something I am very good at it and I know that when I put things off or half ass them then I suck badly, which seems to be most of the time depending on the task.
I am a lover. When I love, I love completely. I make excuses for the faults of the ones I love, or I used to, now I merely except them as faults and find that I don’t care, though I still make the excuses to others, just proving I have more work to do in that part of my life. I will give everything for someone I love, even if I don’t want to, because I do want them to love me back.
I am undisciplined, ruled by my wants and moods I can’t stick with anything for more then a few months without dropping them and maybe picking them back up later. I am very inconsistent. I crave friends one day then push them away or hide from them the next.
And the point of this?… I’m ok with all of this. It is me, it is who I am, and only in knowing that this is Me will I be able to shape and change parts of it with great effort, pain and help. I will appear and live as something different but this will always be me.
There are more… I will ad to the list when I find them again. But I think they all boil down to the same thing… I’m lazy.
((list dedicated to Loki, thank you for holding the mirror... and hitting me with it when I needed to be.))
I am dirty, I don’t like to bathe… actually I do like to bathe I am just often not in the mood, or I put it off till its to late and there are other things I want or need to do instead. But mostly want.
I am selfish; I will only do something that I want to do, even if I kind of almost don’t want to do it I will anyway if there is even the slightest reason that I do want to do it.
Example 1: I don’t want to clean my house… but I want a clean house, so sooner or later, usually later, I go on a cleaning spree and scrub my home only to let it get filthy again within a couple of days.
Example 2: I don’t want to help someone with something, but I want them to like/respect/admire me and so I do it with that in mind, because if they are happy and its because of me then I am happy.
I am twisted, I don’t like to see others suffer, but I imagine those who I dislike suffering, I am sickened by rapists’ and yet the thought of being raped excites me.
My life runs in fazes, because my moods run in fazes. I can be a devote friend and supporter for a few months and then avoid the person for a few later. I can play games non stop for weeks or months at a time then not even think about it for another. I will be a devote follower of the Gods, researching and praying then set them aside for a wile until the mood strikes again.
I am conceded, I have a better body then some, even most, and I know it even if I say otherwise. I’m hypnotized by my own eyes even if I shrug them off when others complement them. I know that when I work hard at something I am very good at it and I know that when I put things off or half ass them then I suck badly, which seems to be most of the time depending on the task.
I am a lover. When I love, I love completely. I make excuses for the faults of the ones I love, or I used to, now I merely except them as faults and find that I don’t care, though I still make the excuses to others, just proving I have more work to do in that part of my life. I will give everything for someone I love, even if I don’t want to, because I do want them to love me back.
I am undisciplined, ruled by my wants and moods I can’t stick with anything for more then a few months without dropping them and maybe picking them back up later. I am very inconsistent. I crave friends one day then push them away or hide from them the next.
And the point of this?… I’m ok with all of this. It is me, it is who I am, and only in knowing that this is Me will I be able to shape and change parts of it with great effort, pain and help. I will appear and live as something different but this will always be me.
There are more… I will ad to the list when I find them again. But I think they all boil down to the same thing… I’m lazy.
((list dedicated to Loki, thank you for holding the mirror... and hitting me with it when I needed to be.))