Friends I thought I had…
Ok so the day started out kind of bad… though John made up for falling asleep when he was supposed to pick me up from work by being very very very sorry and guilt tripping himself more then I could possibly do for him. Other then that I slept all day long as I waited for his parents to come home so that I could in turn drive my illegal car with no plates home to my mothers.
Once there I plugged in my phone and called work since they called me wile it was dead only to find out that Terry apparently quit/got fired or something because Carlos was being a dick and a half. They want me to work her shift tomorrow which can’t happen do to said car issue which according to my dad should be fixed sometime tomorrow or in the next few days as we will still have to get it registered and insured.
Now with out any further ado! The reason for the title of this particular post.
I talked to Eleanor online today… things where good but apparently I abandoned her in my fear of hearing her “I told you so,” speech. Well a few things to that… number 1 I know for a fact that if I came to her with a ‘woe is me I feel like I’ve lost all of my friends in the house’ as I have been feeling I would have gotten the cold shoulder I told you so because she has done that before especially when she is in a bad mood. Not to mention the only comment I have gotten from her was to my “Gone” poem (posted a wile ago) in which she said only “trouble in paradise?” I could taste the damn sarcasm.
I also lost her when I didn’t follow her into the bathroom after the hole Brandon back punch thing, which was a day I was lost in my own head, trying to ignore wow shit at all and didn’t even see him hit her just him make an alliance joke and then her get all still and cranky and march off… yeah… I’m not getting in the middle of that drama especially after our last argument, I had no idea she was hurt until I got yelled at by Travis later that day. Yeah I fucked up on that and I know it, nothing excuses me for not going in there and seeing if she was ok, I know that, I fucked up again it was me out of character and yet in character yet a fucking gain and I’m going to suffer for that kind of shit for the rest of my gods damn life… this year sucks…
Anyway I’m again over whelmed by how tired of it all I am. I just want to drop everything that has happened in the last few months and start all over, stop brining up my mistakes, stop pointing out that I’m not good enough, and stop telling me you wouldn’t do something that you would and more then anything stop looking at my reasons for thinking and doing what I do and telling me that they are wrong or taking personal offence to them, I’m fucking tired of it.
I already know I’ve lost all of my guy friends but John, E is missing in action until she gets internet back, and now I know for a fact that Eleanor is pissed at me and there is nothing I can do to fix it. We had been drifting apart since she started going out with Travis, HEL since I started going out with Nick and now its purity much broken. My mom is moving on without me taking Mark and all of the SCA people with her, so that leaves me with… John… yep he is the only thing in all of Arizona keeping me sane and here… but soon that will all be over, I’ll be gone I’ll be starting fresh and from scratch in a new place with new people and new stupid issues. I don’t think it will be easy but it won’t be this, and at least new people won’t be able to throw my old mistakes in my face with every argument.
Fuck this town, fuck this shit, fuck these people I’m going to bed.
Once there I plugged in my phone and called work since they called me wile it was dead only to find out that Terry apparently quit/got fired or something because Carlos was being a dick and a half. They want me to work her shift tomorrow which can’t happen do to said car issue which according to my dad should be fixed sometime tomorrow or in the next few days as we will still have to get it registered and insured.
Now with out any further ado! The reason for the title of this particular post.
I talked to Eleanor online today… things where good but apparently I abandoned her in my fear of hearing her “I told you so,” speech. Well a few things to that… number 1 I know for a fact that if I came to her with a ‘woe is me I feel like I’ve lost all of my friends in the house’ as I have been feeling I would have gotten the cold shoulder I told you so because she has done that before especially when she is in a bad mood. Not to mention the only comment I have gotten from her was to my “Gone” poem (posted a wile ago) in which she said only “trouble in paradise?” I could taste the damn sarcasm.
I also lost her when I didn’t follow her into the bathroom after the hole Brandon back punch thing, which was a day I was lost in my own head, trying to ignore wow shit at all and didn’t even see him hit her just him make an alliance joke and then her get all still and cranky and march off… yeah… I’m not getting in the middle of that drama especially after our last argument, I had no idea she was hurt until I got yelled at by Travis later that day. Yeah I fucked up on that and I know it, nothing excuses me for not going in there and seeing if she was ok, I know that, I fucked up again it was me out of character and yet in character yet a fucking gain and I’m going to suffer for that kind of shit for the rest of my gods damn life… this year sucks…
Anyway I’m again over whelmed by how tired of it all I am. I just want to drop everything that has happened in the last few months and start all over, stop brining up my mistakes, stop pointing out that I’m not good enough, and stop telling me you wouldn’t do something that you would and more then anything stop looking at my reasons for thinking and doing what I do and telling me that they are wrong or taking personal offence to them, I’m fucking tired of it.
I already know I’ve lost all of my guy friends but John, E is missing in action until she gets internet back, and now I know for a fact that Eleanor is pissed at me and there is nothing I can do to fix it. We had been drifting apart since she started going out with Travis, HEL since I started going out with Nick and now its purity much broken. My mom is moving on without me taking Mark and all of the SCA people with her, so that leaves me with… John… yep he is the only thing in all of Arizona keeping me sane and here… but soon that will all be over, I’ll be gone I’ll be starting fresh and from scratch in a new place with new people and new stupid issues. I don’t think it will be easy but it won’t be this, and at least new people won’t be able to throw my old mistakes in my face with every argument.
Fuck this town, fuck this shit, fuck these people I’m going to bed.