mood disorders and missed months...
Ok so I really shouldn’t be online right now… I’m at work sitting behind the desk reading and typing… there are 3 big no no’s right there, no sitting, no reading, and no writing. But I really could give a rats ass right now. I have a head ache a neck ache a body ache, my eyes burn, I’m tired though I’ve been sleeping loads, way to much really, I haven’t had my rag in a long time and despite taking the damn pregnancy test and purity much knowing I’m not pregnant (lesson kids you have to have sex in order to get knocked up) it still pisses me off… not to mention the startling evidence that I might have some kind of emotional/mental disorder… I’m going to look up some more stuff on that but I really don’t want to… I don’t want to make some kind of excuse for the way that I behave and react… and I’ve always been against medication for emotional things… so yeah… irony!
I want internet at home and I miss my E… so very, very badly… I don’t think she realizes how much our talks and games mean to me and I miss her so much. Things are going good in the house and with the boys, as expected things are a mess ever since I stopped cleaning up every time I got home from work but as that was to be expected and they spend more time in said mess then I do I really don’t care. Brandon has been really good lately, not very clingy or anything, John has been craving his alone time though he said he would really like to try the ‘alone together thing’ even though he knows we can’t do that right now and that makes me very, very happy to know that he craves that kind of thing as much as I do.
It seems like John is the one outlet I have in my emotional torrent of a mind… he gives a solid foundation to lean on, he lets me push my worries aside so I can live at least for a moment as though nothing is bothering me. *sigh* go figure at about this time I’ve been worrying about religious stuff again… but that is actually starting to work itself out relatively quickly so I’m not going to get into it.
I bought a desk today… finally… and despite the fact that I need money for other things right now. I just really needed it… yes needed it… I needed to buy and own something new for me that was just mine that didn’t need to be fixed or altered in anyway… and I really think it did me some good and every time I look at it I will be reminded that I am able to take care of myself, buy my own furniture, pay my bills, buy food… yeah I really should get around to buying some food with this next check *snicker* I still don’t have sound on my computer though *sigh* it sucks cause I really want to play some of my lower end games but they all need sound… so I’ve been playing Mahjong and not even real Mahjong but that matching kind… it is fun though… though some of those puzzles man, they kick my ass.
Well I had more I wanted to ramble about when I opened this up but as usual it all went blank now… so… yeah ta ta for now.
I want internet at home and I miss my E… so very, very badly… I don’t think she realizes how much our talks and games mean to me and I miss her so much. Things are going good in the house and with the boys, as expected things are a mess ever since I stopped cleaning up every time I got home from work but as that was to be expected and they spend more time in said mess then I do I really don’t care. Brandon has been really good lately, not very clingy or anything, John has been craving his alone time though he said he would really like to try the ‘alone together thing’ even though he knows we can’t do that right now and that makes me very, very happy to know that he craves that kind of thing as much as I do.
It seems like John is the one outlet I have in my emotional torrent of a mind… he gives a solid foundation to lean on, he lets me push my worries aside so I can live at least for a moment as though nothing is bothering me. *sigh* go figure at about this time I’ve been worrying about religious stuff again… but that is actually starting to work itself out relatively quickly so I’m not going to get into it.
I bought a desk today… finally… and despite the fact that I need money for other things right now. I just really needed it… yes needed it… I needed to buy and own something new for me that was just mine that didn’t need to be fixed or altered in anyway… and I really think it did me some good and every time I look at it I will be reminded that I am able to take care of myself, buy my own furniture, pay my bills, buy food… yeah I really should get around to buying some food with this next check *snicker* I still don’t have sound on my computer though *sigh* it sucks cause I really want to play some of my lower end games but they all need sound… so I’ve been playing Mahjong and not even real Mahjong but that matching kind… it is fun though… though some of those puzzles man, they kick my ass.
Well I had more I wanted to ramble about when I opened this up but as usual it all went blank now… so… yeah ta ta for now.