The day continues...
yeah so... today... it was... ordanary, nothing strange or exeptional... the world keeps spining even as I strugle to stop it if for only a moment. I wrote a poem thing today, and hopefully didn't fail my quize to badly... I went to moms work and then ran around town with her until she had to go home, then called Joe and hung out with him and Nicky until they too had to go home leaveing me with nothing to do but also go home... where no one was waiting for me.... where I didn't hear that familior meow to great me as I opend the door, where I don't have one blocking the heat from my heater, or curling up beside me to rest before I finaly decide to go to bed alone again....
even as I sit here I am astounded that I have any tears left... my eyes grow wet and my vition blury but no more tears can really fall as my eyes continue to burn, dry and spent from the morning... I'm staying up to wait for John but I don't know how long I will stay up after he gets on, I told him I would wait for him today so here I am... trying to find something to do as I wait...
well here is the poem... I don't know what else to say about today...
I held you with these hands as you cried
With these hands I held you as you died
You cried as you died, but I held you…
So many times I left you alone
So many times I left you cold
But now you will never be cold
And never again will you be alone
You came to me as I needed you
You pulled me from my own dark mind
As I walked dizzy circles in its depths
You kept me from being alone
But I left you alone…
Alone and cold in that house
To wait, always patient for my return
I would smile as you greeted me, staying by my side.
"You're the only man I'll ever need."
I told you when I was isolated and alone
For with you I was never alone
As you curled up beside me every night to sleep
I held you with this heart as you cried
With this heart I held you as you died
You cried as you died, but I held you…
PS
oh there is some good news I supose though the exitment was kind of diminished do to other events of the day... *clears throat* as long as I apply to MSU before APRIL 1 I can start next fall and not have to wait until spring *week smile* I would still have to wait a year to start the music again but that would give me time to get settled in a new city maybe even get a part time job and make some more friends though I really only need the one *hugs her E* so yeah... I'm going to get the money from my mom when I can and apply as soon as I can... to get out of here... a few people say they will miss me and I'm sure when they think about it they might think they will miss me... but in all honesty unles I'm fisicaly in the room with people none of them spare a thought for me... well John dose but he is in Tuscon... grant it Tuscon is much closser to Yuma then it is to East Lansag but *shrug* there is only one man I will stay for and he isn't giving me the time of day at the moment... *sigh* I really should try and get over him again but I can't help but feel like I'm abandoning him in some way although he obviousely dosn't want or need me for anything, I still like to be there you know? anyway... I think I'll play sudoku until John gets home...
even as I sit here I am astounded that I have any tears left... my eyes grow wet and my vition blury but no more tears can really fall as my eyes continue to burn, dry and spent from the morning... I'm staying up to wait for John but I don't know how long I will stay up after he gets on, I told him I would wait for him today so here I am... trying to find something to do as I wait...
well here is the poem... I don't know what else to say about today...
I held you with these hands as you cried
With these hands I held you as you died
You cried as you died, but I held you…
So many times I left you alone
So many times I left you cold
But now you will never be cold
And never again will you be alone
You came to me as I needed you
You pulled me from my own dark mind
As I walked dizzy circles in its depths
You kept me from being alone
But I left you alone…
Alone and cold in that house
To wait, always patient for my return
I would smile as you greeted me, staying by my side.
"You're the only man I'll ever need."
I told you when I was isolated and alone
For with you I was never alone
As you curled up beside me every night to sleep
I held you with this heart as you cried
With this heart I held you as you died
You cried as you died, but I held you…
PS
oh there is some good news I supose though the exitment was kind of diminished do to other events of the day... *clears throat* as long as I apply to MSU before APRIL 1 I can start next fall and not have to wait until spring *week smile* I would still have to wait a year to start the music again but that would give me time to get settled in a new city maybe even get a part time job and make some more friends though I really only need the one *hugs her E* so yeah... I'm going to get the money from my mom when I can and apply as soon as I can... to get out of here... a few people say they will miss me and I'm sure when they think about it they might think they will miss me... but in all honesty unles I'm fisicaly in the room with people none of them spare a thought for me... well John dose but he is in Tuscon... grant it Tuscon is much closser to Yuma then it is to East Lansag but *shrug* there is only one man I will stay for and he isn't giving me the time of day at the moment... *sigh* I really should try and get over him again but I can't help but feel like I'm abandoning him in some way although he obviousely dosn't want or need me for anything, I still like to be there you know? anyway... I think I'll play sudoku until John gets home...