Having a hard time being Christian about this one....
So by now you know Dear Husband was forced out of his church job. It was so unfair, unjustified - basically, unChristian. But hey, people are human, right? We all fall short, we all need grace and forgiveness.
Pssshhhht. Yeah. I know. I get it, I do, I really do, but when the rubber hits the road, when the going gets tough, when you got to just stick it out....well, it's hard. REALLY hard.
First, Dear Husband was put on probation. This is because he was FALSELY accused of 1.) texting while driving the church van on mission trip and 2.) listening to his MP-3 under the same circumstances. Neither of which were true. But because he was ACCUSED, he was put on probation. Okay, whatever. He was also removed as a driver of the church vans. That, he was pretty much okay with. "Now they can't ask me to go take the vans and get them cleaned or filled up with gas," he said with a shrug. "Fine by me. Saves me a lot of hassle, to be honest."
But seriously: PROBATION??? for an UNPROVED ACCUSATION??? It seemed quite a bit out of proportion to me.
Then, last week, our older daughter asked her daddy to take her and a friend to a youth rally. "Sure," my husband said, and did just that. But guess what? That friend my daughter took, she's a member of the youth group. Shouldn't be a big deal. And if they had gone to the movies, it wouldn't have been. But, they want to a CHURCH youth rally. Oops! Dear Husband was now BREAKING A RULE. The rule in our church was that there must always be two non-related adults present for youth work.
But it WASN'T youth work, you protest. It was a rally! Your husband was a dad taking his daughter and her friend to do something fun! He was not taking the entire youth group! He was not even involved with that event whatsoever! And not to mention, that youth rally wasn't even on the property of your church!
Well, I agree with all your protests. You are correct on all counts.
BUT TO THE LEGALISTS it is very much a problem. HE BROKE THE RULE by being alone in the car with his daughter and her friend.
Never mind that we have known this kid for years. Never mind that her parents are friends with us. Never mind that Dear Husband takes my daughter, and her friends, to go do stuff like that ALL THE TIME. The fact was - and I can't argue with this - BECAUSE IT WAS A CHURCH EVENT, that changed things. That meant Dear Husband crossed over from "civilian" mode into "Mr. Church Guy Youth Director" mode.
Not that either of us knew this, or thought of this. It wasn't even on our radar. It was, however, on the radar of New Pastor.
New Pastor (I won't call her by my other favorite name for her which starts with a B and ends with an Itch, and is usually preceded by a word that starts with an F and ends with an Ing) called my husband. Told him they needed to have a little chat.
After explaining what he did wrong, New Pastor told him he had a choice. Either tender his resignation, or they would fire him.
Great.
My husband, being the smart man he is, said he would resign.
New Pastor leaned forward conspiratorially and said "We don't have to make this a big thing, you know - we can make this look good for you." Keep in mind, last Sunday, New Pastor called the music director up on the stage before the end of the service to talk about the stresses of life, of work, of jobs outside the church that require attention - to whit, she made it out as if the music director was leaving because of "stress." But that was a complete and total LIE. A LIE. A FABRICATION. A MISREPRESENTATION OF THE TRUTH. Because the music director was NOT leaving because she was overwhelmed with stuff OUTSIDE of church: she left because of THE NEW PASTOR. Period. Anyway, Dear Husband, keeping in mind New Pastor's Modus Operandus, looked her straight in the eye and said "I don't think so. I don't think you're going to politicize this. I quit, and that's all - goodbye." And he left.
New Pastor sat back and looked shocked. Um, YEAH, you were just totally CALLED OUT you political snake-in-the-grass LIAR!!! LYING LIAR!!!!!!!
Now, tonight, I see my husband on the computer. "How does this look?" he asks, turning the laptop around so I can see the PowerPoint slide he is working on. The words on it tell me he is putting together a video for the church. My blood pressure shoots through the roof. "What?" he says.
"WHY are you doing this?" I demand.
"Because I said I would," he says. "Because if I don't do it nobody else will, and this is for the youth. I don't want the youth to suffer just because the church pissed on me. It's not their fault."
DAMN. He is in a better place about this than I am.
I will forgive, I know, but maybe not just yet.
He has been MORE than fair to this church.
He has worked for THREE YEARS as a youth director, in a position that was deemed "one-quarter time" but more often than not was a full-time job. And let me assure you that one-quarter of not much is practically nothing. FOR THREE YEARS he has labored under the intense scrutiny and criticism of disgruntled parents - the SAME parents who NEVER NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS would ever do ANYTHING to participate in youth work. He has put up with all kinds of acrimony, rumor-spreading, and back-stabbing.
In a way this departure is a good thing. The atmosphere, for him, had become poisonous.
Maybe with him gone the church can collectively rein in the youth group. Maybe with my husband out of there the church will find the youth director of their dreams, who will conform to their EVERY demand, who will ALWAYS make them happy, and who will make the youth group grow exponentially. Maybe this will happen. In a way, I hope it does.
But there's a bigger part of me that's angry enough to hope that their youth group drops off precipitously - and desires that the ONLY kids left in the group, belong to the parents who have been the shittiest to my husband. Which would leave maybe 4 kids.
Someday I will move beyond this. Someday I will forgive the assholes behind all this. For now: no.