The email I sent him....
Andy,
I have done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks... Things have been so crazy here that I dont know which way I am going most of the time... I know I havent been able to get up there and see you that much over the last few weeks and it has just killed me... Not as much though as you not even offering to come see me... You can make time to go do whatever it is you want to do but you cant make time to come see me... I thought maybe when you hadnt seen me for a week you might offer to come here... I was wrong... You know I would never try and tell you what to do or not do... But I would have thought at some point in time you might choose to see me over going to the bar to hang out with whoever... You know I am not going to beg you to come see me... My days of begging are over... That is something I refuse to do ever again... This is not a 'bitching' mail either... It is a 'my feeling are hurt beyond belief right now' mail... When you told me Sunday night that 'you would see what you could do about getting down here, that you would try' cut me to the bone... I knew then that you wouldnt make it down here today... Yeah I have cried more tears... I dont know why it actually shocked me when you called me today to tell me you wouldnt make it down here... But it did... I was so hoping that gut feeling was wrong... It wasnt... So why did I cry?... Why have I cried all fucking night?... Because I realized I am not as important to you as you are to me... My ranking on that ladder of involvement in your life is the bottom rung... I am not saying that you dont love me or care about me, I am saying that regardless of how you feel about me I still dont rank high on your list of things, well that is at least how you have made me feel with your actions... I am not saying that you are not good to me, when we are together you are... But your actions when I am not there, well tell me otherwise... I love you more than you will ever know Andy... I had just hoped that one day you would love me as much...
I am not writing this to piss you off... I am just hurt right now...
Have a safe flight and just call to let me know you made it ok...
I love you Andy
Always
Me
I have done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks... Things have been so crazy here that I dont know which way I am going most of the time... I know I havent been able to get up there and see you that much over the last few weeks and it has just killed me... Not as much though as you not even offering to come see me... You can make time to go do whatever it is you want to do but you cant make time to come see me... I thought maybe when you hadnt seen me for a week you might offer to come here... I was wrong... You know I would never try and tell you what to do or not do... But I would have thought at some point in time you might choose to see me over going to the bar to hang out with whoever... You know I am not going to beg you to come see me... My days of begging are over... That is something I refuse to do ever again... This is not a 'bitching' mail either... It is a 'my feeling are hurt beyond belief right now' mail... When you told me Sunday night that 'you would see what you could do about getting down here, that you would try' cut me to the bone... I knew then that you wouldnt make it down here today... Yeah I have cried more tears... I dont know why it actually shocked me when you called me today to tell me you wouldnt make it down here... But it did... I was so hoping that gut feeling was wrong... It wasnt... So why did I cry?... Why have I cried all fucking night?... Because I realized I am not as important to you as you are to me... My ranking on that ladder of involvement in your life is the bottom rung... I am not saying that you dont love me or care about me, I am saying that regardless of how you feel about me I still dont rank high on your list of things, well that is at least how you have made me feel with your actions... I am not saying that you are not good to me, when we are together you are... But your actions when I am not there, well tell me otherwise... I love you more than you will ever know Andy... I had just hoped that one day you would love me as much...
I am not writing this to piss you off... I am just hurt right now...
Have a safe flight and just call to let me know you made it ok...
I love you Andy
Always
Me