(no subject)
it isnt a sadness , or pain its bliss . I'm getting everything i need and i'm providing it for myself . mike has tempted my nonsoberity and successed , last night i drank and i am ashamed of that weak moment , I am strong enough to face my problems and not hide from them in a bottle . So much has changed about me > I am finding joy in my simple ablitys . I'm free of most worrys except this house , I have a job , and i know that if shane and i wind up with different people its because god and goddess didnt see our union fit ...not to say i dont love him deeply . A guy at work gave me his number to call him tomarrow if i wanna start "AA"because he knows some awesome girls around my age in the program . He's really nice ,when he told me his name was scott it made me think of my scott whom as all of you know is dead . Scott (the live one i work with ) lost his son and there for i feel he to knows the meaning of a great loss . My dearest ones i long to be whole . Filled with an innerlight and a peace of mind no one can touch . I am in love , deeper than anylove i've ever felt befor . I'm learning to love myself deeper than i ever have befor . I am responcible for my own actions , I dont need to beat myself with my guilt . And crying isnt a sign of weakness (something until just recantly I truely did not think was true). I feel imcomplete but maybe thats the purpose of life , to live and make you and thoose around you's lives better .
I will not lie i wish i embraced myself as nearly as i embrace some of my closest friends . I except all my actions as my own and i cannot change the past , only fallow the best path given to me after said mistakes . Life cannot be spent on a shelf . I'm fighting my own demons , theres no prince to save me and so i've finally worked it all out for myself . For those in my life who have died and yes it was afew , i miss and love you but one day when i leave this body we will be together again . To those whom i have loved i am greatful for those moments we shared . To those whom i've hurt for petty reasons, out of drunken rage , or mistake I cannot take back what i've done but i hope you can in someway know how sorry i am .
I will not lie i wish i embraced myself as nearly as i embrace some of my closest friends . I except all my actions as my own and i cannot change the past , only fallow the best path given to me after said mistakes . Life cannot be spent on a shelf . I'm fighting my own demons , theres no prince to save me and so i've finally worked it all out for myself . For those in my life who have died and yes it was afew , i miss and love you but one day when i leave this body we will be together again . To those whom i have loved i am greatful for those moments we shared . To those whom i've hurt for petty reasons, out of drunken rage , or mistake I cannot take back what i've done but i hope you can in someway know how sorry i am .