I'm tired
I"m tired of the bullshit - My gf and I are buying a house - We need to pay $ 25,000 to get the keys then $25,000 in rent and I'll be losing my job on Tuesday. I've been looking for a job and have not got a single interview. It's fucking pathetic. I'm a god for crying out loud. I'm perfect, infallible. WTF is wrong with this world?
Today I was planning to go to the city to meet this guy Kurt about an application he wants me to possibly build. THe appointment didn't go as planned because something I needed to happen ON schedule didn't happen as it was explained to me.
See - Tuesday my visiting nurse was whining/bitching that I have cockroaches - I don't even see them. But she says I'll be discharged tomorrow unless I get the situation fixed. I got an exterminator in and that's who I was waiting on - They TOLD me that I'd have to be here to let them in then I could leave and would have to stay away for 4 hours. Turns out I eneded to be here possibly for a 4 hour window, he'd arrive sometime in that time. It's unprofessional to do a 4 hour window and then expect me to be away for 4 hours - that's blocking an 8 hour window really - But that's not the reality of things. The thing is I'll never show the "proof" that I had someone come out because I don't give a damn what she or anyone else thinks. She can kiss my ass. I don't answer to anyone.
But this guy I was to meet - if he is serious and would pay me for the project work, I'm just tired of the shit - What am I trying to get a job for? To pay this house? It'll never happen - We'll never get the house and even if we do, she'll never help me move into the place. There will be one delay or another. I just want to go unemployed, become evicted, homeless which means I'll kill myself. There's no reason putting up with such stress for nothing when it won't amount to anything. I just want to sleep already. I want to take a shower. I want to sleep in a bed. I want to move into a bigger place and have freedom with people that don't hate me. God hates me - I hate god in return though. When I die and am in the afterlife, I'm so beating God up and putting him in the ICU of Heaven general. I'm going to give him the pain he has given me my whole life. I just wish all the morons who are imperfect and stupid would stop judging me and also if they were going to make a statement and a judgement that they would get their details correct. It's seriously pissing me the fuck off.