Hard to let die
I do care about you! I wanted to still be your friend. I do want to still be there for you and I do not want you to be alone. I do not want to let you go, but You can't and won't ever forgive me for anything that has happened and that stops us from going on. You were laughing in the background when Trina called, and that made me think right there
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I forgave you so many times -
How else do you think our friendship has lasted so long?!
I talked things out with you as they happened (!)
I looked you in the eye and listened to you say time and time again, "I will change." And time and time again, I believed you and so I forgave you - with faith in *YOUR* words that the situation wouldn't happen again...
And I held my tongue when I sat by watching your habits go from bad to worse - putting in my subtle comments here and there, hoping *YOU* were smart enough to realize ON YOUR OWN that you were beginning to cross a line...
And maybe that's were I screwed up...(?)
Maybe I SHOULD have opened up my fat mouth and said something to you sooner. Sorry, I had put so much faith in you to realize it without me having to say something to you *AGAIN.*
::My Bad::
But would you really want me to ignore my feelings toward you and "act" as though everything is peachy keen between us - probably creating an even worse tension between us than there is now?
At least I'm being honest with you - the way I've been throughout our entire friendship - at least, before you began to feel like you couldn't talk to me about things anymore.
I could be like those that shall remain nameless that have been too "Chicken Shit" to tell you how they really feel. But the fact that we have been friends for so long - I Should Have The Right to tell you when I think you've screwed up - AND I SHOULD be the one to express it the most when all others are to "scared" to tell you their damn selves. Because that's what real friends do!
You know that I could easily turn my back and never look back if that's what I truly wanted - but, instead, I'm still fighting...
Because I know that you have the ability to change --
I'm just waiting for the *Desire to Change* to kick in.
And until it does - IT IS going to be hard for me to look at you.
I don't know what to tell you...
The tension is going to be there for awhile, and I'm not going to ignore it. Everyone else is doing you that *Favor* and I'm not going to let this incident pass by without you knowing that
** IT WAS WRONG **
Because if I give up the fight the way everyone else has - you'll never change.
And I KNOW
::With All My Heart and Soul::
that You ARE NOT This Person!
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