They just find me.. at no fault of my own
So i got really close to joann. And yes im drunk while im writing this entry because her actions.. i just had to leave the bar before i was ready to. Betrayed i feel. Feel i shouldnt because its just the same as all the others. I get attatched.. they dont.. and yet again here i am. And why? for what do i try them?
Joann and i have pretty much built the basis of a realtionship. A real one. But everytime i bring up getting serious she brings up this trust issue that she has. And im sick of it because i am harmless to her. She on the other hand demonstrated enough tonight that i dont need her kind. I feel used again
At the bar she wanders around and flirts with everyone else tonight. I got drunk (with the help of the vu strippers like carmen *drool*) And tried to ignore all of her shit. But when i got up and played some pool with matt.. Jason fucking got close to her. Real fucking close. I had it at that point cause she seemed all about it. I told her i was leaving if they were about done. She said she would call me when she got home tonight.
If i answer it will be a work of god on her part... why? why do i get so close all the time? why do i set myself up for failures? Its hopeless i cant find a girl who is honest, serious, and just.. anything i need. *sigh*.. Sickly enough joann isnt even my type but maybe thats what appeals to me. Shes not my usual girl. And i still got played. Im just hurt. Hopelessly hurt.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? WHERE DO I LOOK? WHERE DO I FIND? WHAT WILL END THIS?.. just the fear to continue is enough to make me lay down and die.
(on a lighter note tonight i was taking a body shot off the stripper and she recognized me but couldnt remember my name. but as well pointless.)
Joann and i have pretty much built the basis of a realtionship. A real one. But everytime i bring up getting serious she brings up this trust issue that she has. And im sick of it because i am harmless to her. She on the other hand demonstrated enough tonight that i dont need her kind. I feel used again
At the bar she wanders around and flirts with everyone else tonight. I got drunk (with the help of the vu strippers like carmen *drool*) And tried to ignore all of her shit. But when i got up and played some pool with matt.. Jason fucking got close to her. Real fucking close. I had it at that point cause she seemed all about it. I told her i was leaving if they were about done. She said she would call me when she got home tonight.
If i answer it will be a work of god on her part... why? why do i get so close all the time? why do i set myself up for failures? Its hopeless i cant find a girl who is honest, serious, and just.. anything i need. *sigh*.. Sickly enough joann isnt even my type but maybe thats what appeals to me. Shes not my usual girl. And i still got played. Im just hurt. Hopelessly hurt.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? WHERE DO I LOOK? WHERE DO I FIND? WHAT WILL END THIS?.. just the fear to continue is enough to make me lay down and die.
(on a lighter note tonight i was taking a body shot off the stripper and she recognized me but couldnt remember my name. but as well pointless.)