Everything is saturated with the color of rain...
My life has been filled with vivid nights and jolting days. I feel energized and behind at the same time. I see that the lives of some of the people around me are highlighted with dramatic pause and I feel myself pulled into their soap. But, I cannot say that I do not have my own stage and that I play my parts well. But, I am starting to feel a turbine inside me to start to break down the walls that I feel building. Those fictional walls that people build to make themselves feel safe and right. I have my own walls and right now they are outlined in drama and denial. I am constantly reminded, and it pisses me off, by the way that I am suppose to act and what I am not to say and the gifts of conversation that I have to give because of the ties around me. And I say that I will do this no longer. I feel a rage inside of me that soon will be let out, metaphorically speaking of course.
Despite my social experience, I am well. And I couldnt say that my social experience isnt well either, because I am learning so much about myself and those around me. I am really glad that I chose not to waste myself in another soulless job while I went to school this year. I used to think that I could do everything and that beating myself into the ground was just the price of life and independence. Now, I am realizing that I do not need to test my strength and endurance in my daily activity. I am relishing in the time that I have to do whatever and I feel so relaxed. Its amazing really, the things that I will pile onto myself if I am not careful. But I do not think that I am alone in this, I see many people overload themselves, sometimes out of necessity and sometimes out of fear. Fear being the one that I can most relate to. Being brave dosent mean your not scared to death.
I got a job at the theater at my school and I am so excited. This has been what I have been waiting for! And I wouldnt have been able to do it if I was caught up in some kind of corporate insitution of servitude.
I love living on my own, even though my apartment is totally freaky haunted. But, I think that the spirits and I are starting to come to an understanding between us. They have lived there longer than I have and will remain, long after I go. Our understanding is more of a dont fuck with me and I wont fuck with you. My friends have recommended a ritual cleansing, but I think that would violate our treaty. I will be moving in a few months. They can have it.
Started going to open mic nights around town and it has been really rewarding. Reading my poetry to other people with a mic in my face...it takes some getting used to. I would rather speak in my own voice, if I had the choice, but sometimes I dont. See you on sunday.
Despite my social experience, I am well. And I couldnt say that my social experience isnt well either, because I am learning so much about myself and those around me. I am really glad that I chose not to waste myself in another soulless job while I went to school this year. I used to think that I could do everything and that beating myself into the ground was just the price of life and independence. Now, I am realizing that I do not need to test my strength and endurance in my daily activity. I am relishing in the time that I have to do whatever and I feel so relaxed. Its amazing really, the things that I will pile onto myself if I am not careful. But I do not think that I am alone in this, I see many people overload themselves, sometimes out of necessity and sometimes out of fear. Fear being the one that I can most relate to. Being brave dosent mean your not scared to death.
I got a job at the theater at my school and I am so excited. This has been what I have been waiting for! And I wouldnt have been able to do it if I was caught up in some kind of corporate insitution of servitude.
I love living on my own, even though my apartment is totally freaky haunted. But, I think that the spirits and I are starting to come to an understanding between us. They have lived there longer than I have and will remain, long after I go. Our understanding is more of a dont fuck with me and I wont fuck with you. My friends have recommended a ritual cleansing, but I think that would violate our treaty. I will be moving in a few months. They can have it.
Started going to open mic nights around town and it has been really rewarding. Reading my poetry to other people with a mic in my face...it takes some getting used to. I would rather speak in my own voice, if I had the choice, but sometimes I dont. See you on sunday.