Angst and Love
Whats up with me latley?
I've been feeling a lot of extistential angst latley, but I have been working through it. Things have been very low energy, and part of my recent struggles has been to get active. Get up, get going, get out. I guess everyone goes through a low period, and these past months have been mine. Things are looking up though. I think that I would like it if I didn't have to go through mysterious dark periods in my life where for no apparent reason, I am miserable. I can put whatever blame or reason behind it, but really I think there is some kind of measuring stick inside me that says, "oh! what a minute here, we need to break down for a while". And I do, break down, freak out, blow up and cry. But, its not something that requires sympathy. Nothing is really going wrong, no tragedy has befallen so its hard to deal with without placing blame on myself, which makes the problem worse.
The worst part about this is that my writing is totally blocked, which is usually the method that I use when I feel down and out. I'm trying to break out of this in whatever method I can because I am in two writing classes this semester and I need to get crackin.
My love life is awsome, and we are having our one year anniversary this week. I can't believe that it has actually only been one year. It feels like so much longer than that. A lot has changed in my life in one year. Maybe that is why Im so tired! I just want to get to that perfect mix where I get to hang out with cool people every once and a while and I get to be quiet and alone every once and a while. I want to get away from extremes, maybe I needed this stint of isolation and misery, but it wasn't fun.
It also wasnt totally devoid of real problems, tragedys and thing-to-be-upset-about. Its just that I can tell the difference, when I'm uspet about something, or nothing, and its the worst kind when your upset about nothing because I want to enjoy my breif respites. Mixed in are periods when I'm upset about soemthing specific, and it all gets mixed up, and jumbled and I'm just upset all of the time.
I'm working on it.
ha! I'm working on being calm.
I'm trying to be, at the very least, in the middle.
Things are actually looking up and I hope to have a very happy winter.
I've been feeling a lot of extistential angst latley, but I have been working through it. Things have been very low energy, and part of my recent struggles has been to get active. Get up, get going, get out. I guess everyone goes through a low period, and these past months have been mine. Things are looking up though. I think that I would like it if I didn't have to go through mysterious dark periods in my life where for no apparent reason, I am miserable. I can put whatever blame or reason behind it, but really I think there is some kind of measuring stick inside me that says, "oh! what a minute here, we need to break down for a while". And I do, break down, freak out, blow up and cry. But, its not something that requires sympathy. Nothing is really going wrong, no tragedy has befallen so its hard to deal with without placing blame on myself, which makes the problem worse.
The worst part about this is that my writing is totally blocked, which is usually the method that I use when I feel down and out. I'm trying to break out of this in whatever method I can because I am in two writing classes this semester and I need to get crackin.
My love life is awsome, and we are having our one year anniversary this week. I can't believe that it has actually only been one year. It feels like so much longer than that. A lot has changed in my life in one year. Maybe that is why Im so tired! I just want to get to that perfect mix where I get to hang out with cool people every once and a while and I get to be quiet and alone every once and a while. I want to get away from extremes, maybe I needed this stint of isolation and misery, but it wasn't fun.
It also wasnt totally devoid of real problems, tragedys and thing-to-be-upset-about. Its just that I can tell the difference, when I'm uspet about something, or nothing, and its the worst kind when your upset about nothing because I want to enjoy my breif respites. Mixed in are periods when I'm upset about soemthing specific, and it all gets mixed up, and jumbled and I'm just upset all of the time.
I'm working on it.
ha! I'm working on being calm.
I'm trying to be, at the very least, in the middle.
Things are actually looking up and I hope to have a very happy winter.