Close to breaking...
I had my second (or third?) breakdown since entering grad school. My goodness, I'm a mess. I finally confessed to David in said breakdown how utterly incapable I am at handling criticism, the stress I am under, and this stupid need to not fail at anything no matter what. Oh yes, and how I am unwilling to give up on anything, including projects that I've taken on that have completely toppled my workload. It's too fucking hard. Everything.
I feel like a loser.
David has finally quit his job, meaning much less stress (I hope) for him next semester. We had a long talk and he's agreed to help me out more and take on more responsibilities around the house. I know I am a controlling she-bitch about things like cleaning, organizing, etc. but I really hope that we can work something out so I don't feel like it's my job to do these things all the time. Research suggests that equal division of labor flies out the window when marriage comes into the picture. Seriously, yes. Even with couples who go out of their way to divide things equally, for some reason things fall back to the old stereotype of the household being the woman's domain after marriage. Oh yes, and it gets worse after children. I'd cite literature but then I'd be a HUGE dork. I'm fine with my big dork status staying where it is. Anyways, let's hope that doesn't happen to me. I hate doing the dishes and taking out the trash.
So, my agenda for the next half-year. Finish my thesis (collect data, analyze data, write it all up), defend my thesis, attend multiple conferences and present at at least one (My poster was accepted to SIOP, the BIG BIG I/O conference, yay!), finish a health related project to fulfill what I expect will be my requirement for this OHP fellowship, finish a stats-related project to fulfill my quantitative certificate requirement (officially dubbing myself a stats geek!), apply to internships, go on interviews and find an internship, figure out how/where David and I will live while on internship, ....and, oh yeah, start planning my wedding.
I feel like a loser.
David has finally quit his job, meaning much less stress (I hope) for him next semester. We had a long talk and he's agreed to help me out more and take on more responsibilities around the house. I know I am a controlling she-bitch about things like cleaning, organizing, etc. but I really hope that we can work something out so I don't feel like it's my job to do these things all the time. Research suggests that equal division of labor flies out the window when marriage comes into the picture. Seriously, yes. Even with couples who go out of their way to divide things equally, for some reason things fall back to the old stereotype of the household being the woman's domain after marriage. Oh yes, and it gets worse after children. I'd cite literature but then I'd be a HUGE dork. I'm fine with my big dork status staying where it is. Anyways, let's hope that doesn't happen to me. I hate doing the dishes and taking out the trash.
So, my agenda for the next half-year. Finish my thesis (collect data, analyze data, write it all up), defend my thesis, attend multiple conferences and present at at least one (My poster was accepted to SIOP, the BIG BIG I/O conference, yay!), finish a health related project to fulfill what I expect will be my requirement for this OHP fellowship, finish a stats-related project to fulfill my quantitative certificate requirement (officially dubbing myself a stats geek!), apply to internships, go on interviews and find an internship, figure out how/where David and I will live while on internship, ....and, oh yeah, start planning my wedding.