So... Depressed again, as per usual...
It's been a long weekend. Extremely long. I suppose I should start from the beginning...
I attempted to get the weekend plus Memorial Day off to go on a nice little vacation with the family up in Michigan. My job, however, would not give me my requested time off... So here i am writing this as my parents are off and away enjoying themselves in Pennsylvania.
I work 37.5 hours this week. I'm tired and overstressed, and spend some time each day on the sales floor crying - I work 8.5 hour shifts, so i have plenty of time to accomplish this. My greatest fear is also seeming to rear its ugly head - i can see myself sliding back down to where i was freshman year with my depression, considering this is the worst it has been since then.
I feel like I'm missing my last summer to have any sort of fun. Spenser called me today while out on a date, saying that he might not be able to go to Michigan with me this Thursday. Kat called earlier to invite me to PNO, which I really would like to have been able to go to, were it not for working and not having enough money for gas. I feel entirely out of the loop. Just once I wish that something fun involving friends could be easily accessible to me.
My parents aren't happy that my job stresses me out too much, but they don't blame it on my job, they blame it on me. "In the real world you'll have to work 40 hours a week, so you need to get used to it," they tell me. I wish my mom could get used to being extremely depressed and sociophobic, and then tell me that i'm not trying hard enough to make it work. I have two days off this week, and they aren't even contiguous, so there's no possibility of gettinhg any reasonable rest.
I also managed to mess my ankle up at work today so now every other step i take is filled with searing pain. Usually i'm reasonably stoic when it comes to pain, but, this is rather terrible and always unexpected. I think it's perhaps my body's way of telling me that I need to just stop for a bit.
*Sigh* I'm just sad now... Sad enough that I just want this to end, I want this to stop. Everywhere I turn I see people that are happy and able to have days off and some freedom, but I'm tied to my job. My parents won't even let me call off. I feel trapped.
When will it be my turn to finally see Summerland... Endless meditation until rebirth... Please. I want this life to be over.
I attempted to get the weekend plus Memorial Day off to go on a nice little vacation with the family up in Michigan. My job, however, would not give me my requested time off... So here i am writing this as my parents are off and away enjoying themselves in Pennsylvania.
I work 37.5 hours this week. I'm tired and overstressed, and spend some time each day on the sales floor crying - I work 8.5 hour shifts, so i have plenty of time to accomplish this. My greatest fear is also seeming to rear its ugly head - i can see myself sliding back down to where i was freshman year with my depression, considering this is the worst it has been since then.
I feel like I'm missing my last summer to have any sort of fun. Spenser called me today while out on a date, saying that he might not be able to go to Michigan with me this Thursday. Kat called earlier to invite me to PNO, which I really would like to have been able to go to, were it not for working and not having enough money for gas. I feel entirely out of the loop. Just once I wish that something fun involving friends could be easily accessible to me.
My parents aren't happy that my job stresses me out too much, but they don't blame it on my job, they blame it on me. "In the real world you'll have to work 40 hours a week, so you need to get used to it," they tell me. I wish my mom could get used to being extremely depressed and sociophobic, and then tell me that i'm not trying hard enough to make it work. I have two days off this week, and they aren't even contiguous, so there's no possibility of gettinhg any reasonable rest.
I also managed to mess my ankle up at work today so now every other step i take is filled with searing pain. Usually i'm reasonably stoic when it comes to pain, but, this is rather terrible and always unexpected. I think it's perhaps my body's way of telling me that I need to just stop for a bit.
*Sigh* I'm just sad now... Sad enough that I just want this to end, I want this to stop. Everywhere I turn I see people that are happy and able to have days off and some freedom, but I'm tied to my job. My parents won't even let me call off. I feel trapped.
When will it be my turn to finally see Summerland... Endless meditation until rebirth... Please. I want this life to be over.