Extremely sad...
So, basically, the title says everything. For some reason, i woke up depressed and realizing just how alone i am. Amazing that this could be happening after such a fun evening, but, for some reason... Something isn't quite right. I think it's probably alot of things, though, i'm not entirely sure.. I guess it's a little indicative of where my mental state goes when I forget to take my medication.
Let's see... For starters, I'm having a horrible year with anything to deal with relationships. There was the guy in MS who told me me pictures were misleading, that I was actually fatter than I was letting on, The guy who tried to visit, got into a motorcycle accident and never called to let me know how he was, if he was even okay. Then there were myriad other guys who wanted me for sex, hookups, etc., and the numerous non-college going mamma's boys. There's Peter, who began to hate me after only a few days... And Tag, who never really gave me a chance, just wrote me off as undateable.
I'm just wondering if I'm meant to be alone. It's exceptionally hard for me to see so many people who have somebody in their lives, and I feel like I have nobody. I just... Don't understand. I'm crying as I type this, and it's the first time I've thought about just ending it in a while, wondering if that's what the powers that be are telling me.
I look at everything in my life and see that i'm not going the way I want to be going, no matter how hard I try. I still come back home to an empty house, to people who are asleep and want nothing to do with me. I come home to books about a religion that was last night mildly berated by someone i thought would understand. I feel so utterly lost right now. I fight to lose weight but still am called fat. I want somebody to hold me but the people I have asked have just rejected me.
When I said last night that my life is full of tragedy, I meant it. I don't know how many more times I can manage to pick myself back up. I don't know how much farther I can fall before doing so loses its reality.
Let's see... For starters, I'm having a horrible year with anything to deal with relationships. There was the guy in MS who told me me pictures were misleading, that I was actually fatter than I was letting on, The guy who tried to visit, got into a motorcycle accident and never called to let me know how he was, if he was even okay. Then there were myriad other guys who wanted me for sex, hookups, etc., and the numerous non-college going mamma's boys. There's Peter, who began to hate me after only a few days... And Tag, who never really gave me a chance, just wrote me off as undateable.
I'm just wondering if I'm meant to be alone. It's exceptionally hard for me to see so many people who have somebody in their lives, and I feel like I have nobody. I just... Don't understand. I'm crying as I type this, and it's the first time I've thought about just ending it in a while, wondering if that's what the powers that be are telling me.
I look at everything in my life and see that i'm not going the way I want to be going, no matter how hard I try. I still come back home to an empty house, to people who are asleep and want nothing to do with me. I come home to books about a religion that was last night mildly berated by someone i thought would understand. I feel so utterly lost right now. I fight to lose weight but still am called fat. I want somebody to hold me but the people I have asked have just rejected me.
When I said last night that my life is full of tragedy, I meant it. I don't know how many more times I can manage to pick myself back up. I don't know how much farther I can fall before doing so loses its reality.