Life right now
Well currently I'm in texas. I had to get away from NC because I could not take the pressure of a torn heart between two men. One who wanted to be with me, the other who I wanted to be with but didn't want nothing to do with me but a fuck buddy. I was stressed, I was pressured, I didn't get along with my stepdad, and everything was going to shit. I needed a break. One that I could learn to do things by myself, such as take care of my daughter, cook, clean at the same time. I'm pretty good at that now. I want to go back to NC because I miss my friends and my life. There I had a job made my own money, supported me and my baby with everything no ones help but somewhere to stay. So I was doing fine. I'm kind of sick being here because I have no job. I can't get out of the house unless someone takes me somewhere because everyone is scared to teach me how to drive plus my brother and sis-in-law (dawn) works 15-20 hour days sometimes over. SO most of the time I'm here by myself. Plus my brother has to buy everything and he gets a little upset when a $21 can of formula runs out. I'm sorry shes a growing child than he says I'm over feeding her, which btw i am not. I don't think anyways. SO stress stress stress me and the world both.
Do you think it is wrong that through all the BS that I've been through with Adrianna's daddy, I still love him in a way. I want him to get to see her and stuff because I made a promise in our relationship previously that if I ever got pregnant I would not do that to him, yet he is sorta a bad influence/role model for her to be raised seeing. I don't know what to do plus I still have feelings for him. Hes in Prison that proves enough what kind of person that he is. However I still miss him. We have had our good times too but who talks more about the good times when they have a chance to bitch about the bad shit that gets on your nerves to somebody? Honestly. I don't know what to do with my life. I feel like I am going nowhere especially here. I can't do anything or get anywhere. On top of all that, I really don't know anybody in Texas but my friend Sabrina who is a 24 hour drive away from me. THat sux. So I miss my mobility in NC and I had a job there my mom was a babysitter if I needed one. Plus I had friends I could chill with. You know. HOok ups. People if I was stuck could help me. I just feel like that I'm at a dead end and need to turn around. Don't get me wrong I love my brother and his wife but they are too busy to help me and here I can't even help myself, Hell I'm a housekeeper here.
Zach has asked me to move in with him telling me that he still loves me and everything would do anything for me and help take care of Adrianna. But I ain't got the same feelings for him as he does for me I'm still stuck on her daddy which is sad and fucked up one too many times. In my heart I know I should forgive him, But in reality he is not the best I could do but I do still love him. I guess its really hard to get over your first if you know what i mean. I need to make a desicion by Christmas. I don't know what to do. :(
Do you think it is wrong that through all the BS that I've been through with Adrianna's daddy, I still love him in a way. I want him to get to see her and stuff because I made a promise in our relationship previously that if I ever got pregnant I would not do that to him, yet he is sorta a bad influence/role model for her to be raised seeing. I don't know what to do plus I still have feelings for him. Hes in Prison that proves enough what kind of person that he is. However I still miss him. We have had our good times too but who talks more about the good times when they have a chance to bitch about the bad shit that gets on your nerves to somebody? Honestly. I don't know what to do with my life. I feel like I am going nowhere especially here. I can't do anything or get anywhere. On top of all that, I really don't know anybody in Texas but my friend Sabrina who is a 24 hour drive away from me. THat sux. So I miss my mobility in NC and I had a job there my mom was a babysitter if I needed one. Plus I had friends I could chill with. You know. HOok ups. People if I was stuck could help me. I just feel like that I'm at a dead end and need to turn around. Don't get me wrong I love my brother and his wife but they are too busy to help me and here I can't even help myself, Hell I'm a housekeeper here.
Zach has asked me to move in with him telling me that he still loves me and everything would do anything for me and help take care of Adrianna. But I ain't got the same feelings for him as he does for me I'm still stuck on her daddy which is sad and fucked up one too many times. In my heart I know I should forgive him, But in reality he is not the best I could do but I do still love him. I guess its really hard to get over your first if you know what i mean. I need to make a desicion by Christmas. I don't know what to do. :(