Happy Thoughts
I am happy.
For the first time in many years, I can say that I am happy.
Maybe not content, certainly not fulfilled, but happy.
It's hard to explain, perhaps because English lacks so many words for describing happiness as it does melancholy. The descriptive powers of the English language seem to be aimed at the introspective, or even the depressed. Lets be honest though, if my country was shrouded in clouds and mist for 80% of the year, my linguistic catalogue would probably include a lot more words for everything having to do with seasonal affective disorder as well. So maybe I should cut the English some slack.
Either way, I'll do my best to get out the feeling as concisely as possible.
I'm not stressed by graduate school, that mess is over.
I'm getting enough sleep.
I'm physically and mentally in a better place.
I'm discovering my hobbies again.
Finding work is a concern, but it's a manageable concern. It's a reasonable concern. It's a concern I should have a few weeks out of grad school. I have some contract work to keep me solvent while I search for a career. I'm not behind, I'm not running to catch up to people. I am where I am supposed to be. It's a wonderful feeling.
The last few years I've separated my posts into chapters. Periods of my life that I've book ended based off of location and mental outlook. I think today I can close a chapter and open a new one.
I look forward to the next chapter being a very happy one.
For the first time in many years, I can say that I am happy.
Maybe not content, certainly not fulfilled, but happy.
It's hard to explain, perhaps because English lacks so many words for describing happiness as it does melancholy. The descriptive powers of the English language seem to be aimed at the introspective, or even the depressed. Lets be honest though, if my country was shrouded in clouds and mist for 80% of the year, my linguistic catalogue would probably include a lot more words for everything having to do with seasonal affective disorder as well. So maybe I should cut the English some slack.
Either way, I'll do my best to get out the feeling as concisely as possible.
I'm not stressed by graduate school, that mess is over.
I'm getting enough sleep.
I'm physically and mentally in a better place.
I'm discovering my hobbies again.
Finding work is a concern, but it's a manageable concern. It's a reasonable concern. It's a concern I should have a few weeks out of grad school. I have some contract work to keep me solvent while I search for a career. I'm not behind, I'm not running to catch up to people. I am where I am supposed to be. It's a wonderful feeling.
The last few years I've separated my posts into chapters. Periods of my life that I've book ended based off of location and mental outlook. I think today I can close a chapter and open a new one.
I look forward to the next chapter being a very happy one.