Insecurity
THE CONCLUSION OF INSECURITY
Jamie Dolan, age 12
My insecurity has taken over me,
I have no real friends..they've all deserted me,
I've been taken advantage of and used,
The pain I'm feeling is like being bruised,
This kind of pain is worse than real,
Sometimes I just don't want to feel,
The pain and sorrow that I feel now,
I think its time for my family to take thier funeral vows,
Because I won't be here anymore,
It's not a car accident or a murder,
It's just I have nothing to live for,
This knife I'm holding in my hand,
It's not for a homicide,
It's what you call a suicide,
Now I take my last few breaths,
Then I puncture the knife deep in my chest,
Now that I'm completly gone,
No more people can tell me right from wrong,
No more people can insult me,
Because I'm gone... blame my insecurity.
Are You Real?
You could never imagine the pain i feel,
when i start to question what is real......
I have this fear of never being satisfied, i can't find stable happiness
believe me, i've tried.
Please know it's not easy, thinking I might live life until i die,
wondering if i'll ever be satisfied.
Who else could I blame myself for my insecurity?
Sometimes i hate my cynicism, which only results in vacillation,
i get caught in the whirlwind that circulates through my mind.
i take a breath and try to concentrate,
to make sure my emotions don't instigate....
the result being a decision i might regret,
or suffer for down the line,
look at the monster I've created in my mind.
When my heart skips a beat and words pause with hesitation,
it's just my overactive imagination;
that constant fear of the future
and what will happen to me.
i'm uncomfortable having so much emotion
why can't it be more simple,
it's my only insecurity,
You.....not being true to me.
this whole reality
seems so incessant
and all this perfection
just makes me hesitant,
just so perfect
how can it be?
that someone so grounded like you
found someone so mixed up like me?
i say these things not just to flatter you.
You know i mean it,
you're forever on my mind
I know a man like you isn't easy to find.
But now I have come to a fork in the road,
Where I must no longer carry that load,
Ease the burden off my shoulders
and try not to leave a scar.
~~~K.Jones~~~
Insecurity
You don't call
I check again
I become uneasy--is this a frame?
Suddenly I'm not so sure
I check my sources
each conversation becomes a crumb
how easily I'm led
how stupid I've been
to believe
you could be
loving me
you who can not be seduced
by anything other than
the temperance
of need
each one facilitating the next
and suddenly I see my place
the phone rings
you say hello
but I don't believe you
Alone Again
by Shellie Sanchez
Four o'clock in the morning
Afraid to open my eyes
Another day of grief,
A day of fear.
All alone I feel.
I try to justify all the pain,
All of this guilt before my eyes.
Another day of confusion,
A day of wondering.
Is it ever just going to go away?
All this pain that I feel,
And all this anger, is it going to stay?
Ten o'clock in the evening,
Afraid of the nightmares.
Again my breathing stops.
All I can do is stare into the night.
What is it that causes this feeling?
Another night of crying,
A night of hiding,
Alone once again.
My heart feels empty,
And I can't cry another tear.
Another day wasted on insecurity,
A day of wonder.
Is this ever going to end?
Jamie Dolan, age 12
My insecurity has taken over me,
I have no real friends..they've all deserted me,
I've been taken advantage of and used,
The pain I'm feeling is like being bruised,
This kind of pain is worse than real,
Sometimes I just don't want to feel,
The pain and sorrow that I feel now,
I think its time for my family to take thier funeral vows,
Because I won't be here anymore,
It's not a car accident or a murder,
It's just I have nothing to live for,
This knife I'm holding in my hand,
It's not for a homicide,
It's what you call a suicide,
Now I take my last few breaths,
Then I puncture the knife deep in my chest,
Now that I'm completly gone,
No more people can tell me right from wrong,
No more people can insult me,
Because I'm gone... blame my insecurity.
Are You Real?
You could never imagine the pain i feel,
when i start to question what is real......
I have this fear of never being satisfied, i can't find stable happiness
believe me, i've tried.
Please know it's not easy, thinking I might live life until i die,
wondering if i'll ever be satisfied.
Who else could I blame myself for my insecurity?
Sometimes i hate my cynicism, which only results in vacillation,
i get caught in the whirlwind that circulates through my mind.
i take a breath and try to concentrate,
to make sure my emotions don't instigate....
the result being a decision i might regret,
or suffer for down the line,
look at the monster I've created in my mind.
When my heart skips a beat and words pause with hesitation,
it's just my overactive imagination;
that constant fear of the future
and what will happen to me.
i'm uncomfortable having so much emotion
why can't it be more simple,
it's my only insecurity,
You.....not being true to me.
this whole reality
seems so incessant
and all this perfection
just makes me hesitant,
just so perfect
how can it be?
that someone so grounded like you
found someone so mixed up like me?
i say these things not just to flatter you.
You know i mean it,
you're forever on my mind
I know a man like you isn't easy to find.
But now I have come to a fork in the road,
Where I must no longer carry that load,
Ease the burden off my shoulders
and try not to leave a scar.
~~~K.Jones~~~
Insecurity
You don't call
I check again
I become uneasy--is this a frame?
Suddenly I'm not so sure
I check my sources
each conversation becomes a crumb
how easily I'm led
how stupid I've been
to believe
you could be
loving me
you who can not be seduced
by anything other than
the temperance
of need
each one facilitating the next
and suddenly I see my place
the phone rings
you say hello
but I don't believe you
Alone Again
by Shellie Sanchez
Four o'clock in the morning
Afraid to open my eyes
Another day of grief,
A day of fear.
All alone I feel.
I try to justify all the pain,
All of this guilt before my eyes.
Another day of confusion,
A day of wondering.
Is it ever just going to go away?
All this pain that I feel,
And all this anger, is it going to stay?
Ten o'clock in the evening,
Afraid of the nightmares.
Again my breathing stops.
All I can do is stare into the night.
What is it that causes this feeling?
Another night of crying,
A night of hiding,
Alone once again.
My heart feels empty,
And I can't cry another tear.
Another day wasted on insecurity,
A day of wonder.
Is this ever going to end?