I liiiiiiiiiiiiiive.
So, I have no friends on here anymore. And that's okay. It might be nice to have some place that I can go to and just, I don't know, talk when I need to let loose.
What has changed since my last post... hmmm. Probably everything. We got the house. Yep, been here 9 years. Lots of fights with the house itself, though that is more the fault of the previous owners whose motto was clearly 'Cheap, and poorly done.'
We have two amazing kids. I mean, they are seriously the lights of my life. Even when they are driving me crazy they are the best two creations I will ever give this world, and I try really hard every day to not fuck it up.
I realized I have PTSD. And anxiety. And depression. And I found out before it was too late. Before I really hurt myself. My kids. My husband. My family. I was really screwed up, and it's been so hard getting myself back. I'm like that broken cup you are trying to put back together. Or a mosaic whose tiles have to be fixed. I'm still not entirely me. I haven't figured out the right consistency of glue and some of the tiles need fixing too. I slowly take things back and then I put them down because I'm more used to not having them. It's been very Sisyphean.
I still have anxiety attacks and panic attacks. Not as often and not as bad. I can get back to myself pretty quick. Mostly it's anxiety and usually it is because I haven't slept or I hurt physically or I'm too stressed out.
Adam and I are still married. Still happy. Still mega-nerds. We've almost gotten worse. Or better? lol. We don't have giant fights anymore, not that before we had tons. We bicker a lot more, but after the bickers we are back to us. We'll just forget them and let things be. It's nice. We are still happy. More exhausted with less time, but happy. And the mega-nerd part. Oh so nerdy.
We've lost people. My Grandma, my Grandpa. My Grandma Ginger. Adam's Grandma Sue, Grandpa Norb, Grandpa Les. We have a Grandpa and a Grandma between us. All of our siblings got married, two of them have brought munchkins of their own into the world. Two nieces, two nephews, and a third nephew on the way.
I no longer work full time - I have a paper route I do. Adam still is with his company.
Jim is no longer in our lives, any of our lives. He made that choice, and we just let it be. He's caused too much damage to us and we're still dealing with it.
Dealing with the loss of Grandpa and Grandma has been ridiculously difficult. In a life where I deal every day with a continuous struggle, it seems almost comedic that I have another brick to add to the load. But there it is. Which is why I am so glad I found out that I had a disease. Because seriously nothing helps more to realize that you can fix it than to know the battles you fight. I was just now starting to drop into melancholy and poof, my two nutters ran into the room with a bag of pennies that Phineas got for picking up sticks at Jerry and Cheryl's. He's adding them to his mite box, which later this week we'll drop off at church. He gave half the bag to his sister, so they could both put them in the mite box. They remind me of all the wonder in the world that I'd started to forget.
Today we're going to Target to get underwear for Eleanore, she's potty training right now, and it's a pain, but we're working at it. I'm hoping DC Superhero Girl underpants are going to kick it into high gear. We're also picking up Melatonin, which help me sleep, and The Last Jedi because of course. Remember? Mega-nerds.
May your day be good. :)