Six Lessons In Management...
Snagged from siramor :
Yay! I finally got it behind cut! Hurray! Sorry it took so long...
Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly
wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob
says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800
he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
.Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a
leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father,
remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a
great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in
Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply
of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit
like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed
the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied
the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold
the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was
lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen
bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm
he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for
joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth
shut!
Yay! I finally got it behind cut! Hurray! Sorry it took so long...
Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly
wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob
says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800
he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
.Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a
leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father,
remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a
great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in
Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply
of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit
like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed
the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied
the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold
the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was
lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen
bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm
he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for
joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth
shut!