The word Retreat has many meanings
Let's just say the previous two weeks kinda sucked ass. I admit there were a couple of bright spots during that time, like actually going out to see a movie and seeing The Magnetic Fields play, but the rest of the time seemed like one long anxiety producing moment after another. I started out taking some homeopathic calming pills but eventually had to break out the good stuff, which thank goodness someone else hadn't finished them off already.
During that time I oscillated between feeling absolutely horrible and feeling like life was manageable. So if you talked to me and I said I was doing good, I probably was at the moment. If you had called 20 minutes earlier, you would have heard me hyperventilating.
Last night I finally made myself go to bed and get some sleep so today feels pretty nice, even though I was late to work because I had to go back home after dropping two kids at school so I could get the third to her school a few minutes early. (Bob stayed up all night working to meet a deadline so he couldn't do it.) I seem to be able to handle that sort of thing better when I've slept. But I don't sleep because there's so much in my life to fit in, and I'm not even fitting in everything I want to.
Like my girlfriends. And photography. And sewing. Oh, I'm getting in a few minutes here and there but what I really want to do is immerse myself. And in order to immerse myself, I have to set aside the time to do it. I have to go away. Away from the needy ones in my life. There are some gears turning in my head and they are painting a picture of lovely creative ladies hanging out together for a weekend of girl time and craft. This is something I really want to do but the problem is I don't have the time or energy to plan it. To be more specific, I am completely incapable of making decisions.
Maybe if I continue to make myself get a little more sleep and relaxation, I'll get to a point where I can plan a weekend for more sleep and relaxation. And ladies.
During that time I oscillated between feeling absolutely horrible and feeling like life was manageable. So if you talked to me and I said I was doing good, I probably was at the moment. If you had called 20 minutes earlier, you would have heard me hyperventilating.
Last night I finally made myself go to bed and get some sleep so today feels pretty nice, even though I was late to work because I had to go back home after dropping two kids at school so I could get the third to her school a few minutes early. (Bob stayed up all night working to meet a deadline so he couldn't do it.) I seem to be able to handle that sort of thing better when I've slept. But I don't sleep because there's so much in my life to fit in, and I'm not even fitting in everything I want to.
Like my girlfriends. And photography. And sewing. Oh, I'm getting in a few minutes here and there but what I really want to do is immerse myself. And in order to immerse myself, I have to set aside the time to do it. I have to go away. Away from the needy ones in my life. There are some gears turning in my head and they are painting a picture of lovely creative ladies hanging out together for a weekend of girl time and craft. This is something I really want to do but the problem is I don't have the time or energy to plan it. To be more specific, I am completely incapable of making decisions.
Maybe if I continue to make myself get a little more sleep and relaxation, I'll get to a point where I can plan a weekend for more sleep and relaxation. And ladies.