Missing you.
When i remembered home i remembered you,
the places we hid from our parents,
and the tricks we played on our friends.
eating poison plants and breaking bones,
the terrors of our small town clinic
that could hardly keep up with our disasters of entertainment.
and so where are you now,
friend long gone,
in the creek that ran past my house
in ages past when we looked down from the bridge
scared of that height,
so why did you make that leap?
11 years since past, when i left that place
never did i ever think of another place called home,
so whenever i was loney i would remember you
and want to return,
to that quiet place that made sense,
a comfortable place where i wasn't surrounded
by the nattering of the city.
when i visited you, 2 octobers ago
i knew not everything was the what it had been,
so many years had past
but you, i hadn't forgotten and me?
you said i changed, so much, from what i was like then.
why does it feel like an accusation to me now,
what if you had moved, would you still be alive?
if i had remained would i have taken that fall?
could we have switch places somehow,
would you let me?
i would trade you, to save you, if i could.
somehow still, i'm crying, its been awhile, true.
but when i'm lonely i think of home, and i think of you.
i see the best friend i ever had,
running across the street to play with dinosaur toys
and rc cars, walking to school in bare feet,
and terrorising our kindgergarten teacher.
i can picture clearly in my mind, us playing still,
the games of older people, could i have stopped you?
3 days to late, how could that have been?
why didn't you wait for me? i came to visit you. just you.
they found your body the same day i arrived.
why wasn't i sooner to come to you?
every time i wonder why, suddenly inspired
i made the trip to the island, if i hadn't debated for so long
and pestered and fretted about costs and time,
if i had just come when i got the feeling i should
i could have stopped you.
the home i remembered is now a tomb, for you.
i can't go back there ever now, for my failure to you.
the billion ways i could have done something, but i didn't.
it should have been me, not you.
i hope you forgive me Cameron,
i'm trying hard to forgive you.