the truth about cats and dogs
> EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
>
> 8:00 AM Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> 9:30 AM Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
> 9:40 AM A walk in the park! Ate some poop...Delicious!
> 10:30 AM Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!
> 12:00 PM Lunch! Yummy!
> 1:00 PM Playing in the yard! I just love it!
> 3:00 PM Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best! I'll wag
my tail in joy.
> 4:00 PM Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!
> 5:00 PM Milkbones! Great!
> 7:00 PM Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
> 8:00 PM Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
> 11:00 PM Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo
> great!
>
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order
to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream
of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
mentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing
to return! He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating
with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe-- for now. But I can wait. For it is only a matter of time.
>
> 8:00 AM Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> 9:30 AM Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
> 9:40 AM A walk in the park! Ate some poop...Delicious!
> 10:30 AM Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!
> 12:00 PM Lunch! Yummy!
> 1:00 PM Playing in the yard! I just love it!
> 3:00 PM Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best! I'll wag
my tail in joy.
> 4:00 PM Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!
> 5:00 PM Milkbones! Great!
> 7:00 PM Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
> 8:00 PM Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
> 11:00 PM Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo
> great!
>
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order
to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream
of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
mentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing
to return! He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating
with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe-- for now. But I can wait. For it is only a matter of time.