Hypocrisy at its finest.
I thought I was completely done with this place. I thought I'd never come back. I was never going to delete my LJ; there are too many memories recorded in it. The only reason I come back is because typing is much easier than writing. Maybe I'll make this journal private. No one else needs to see my thoughts; my journal is for me and no one else.
If I knew then what I know now, I'd have killed myself long ago I'd be twice as wise now, wouldn't I?
There are certain things that sometimes you feel you can't live without, but you go on living daily without it in hopes that one day you'll be able to have it again. False hope like that should be outlawed by Baby Jesus.
Pictures are still up, souvenirs are still all around, because you're too weak to take them down. Because you feel that if you do, all hope is lost. Because those memories are too (bitter)sweet to let go of, but when remembered, they leave bite marks on your soul. When even thinking about . . . a certain subject, your heart sinks and you get a sudden wave of nervous desparation. Well, maybe not you.. GOD, my thoughts lack substance. I used to be a writer. Now, I am to writing what a literature major is to calculus.
My biggest mistake in life is not appreciating everything I have like it's the last day I'll have it.
I did it once before.. acted like he'd be there tomorrow.. for too long. And now that he's not, I'm going out of my mind. His perfection absolutely boggles me. I could drown in his eyes. I wish I had.
I'm not the person I once was. It's not fair to hold onto the idea of the person I used to be rather than letting it completely go and starting new. Not fair at all.
Words and thoughts bother my mind like a busy beehive, but I can't get them out. It's like someone plugged the opening. Such emotion floods my heart sometimes that it gives me a strange pang in my forehead.
If you thought I was dead, you were right. It's not the end of the world, but it has been the end of my world.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of story. No more old Steph. Exit stage left. New Steph, come in please.
Hi! To everyone that's been on livejournal for this long, OMFGWTF!!!! GET A GODDAMN NUTSACK AND GO LIVE. Livejournal is so overpopulated with slobbering, spoiled kids of the emo variety that have nothing better to do than whine about how life has fucked them over when all they need is a different point of view. For years I blamed my mother for ruining my life and making me live on a diet of lardy Jesus; being overbearing, overzealous, ignorant, closed-minded, judgemental, blind as a fucking bat... and the list goes on until Paris Hilton learns some humility. The only difference now is that I realize that she is all of those things, but I also realize that she is who she is, and I am who I am, and who she is can influence who I let myself become and the choices I make, but she has no control over me. I can choose to make my life more difficult by disregarding everything she says, or I can obey her and make life easier. My life is all on me and the choices I make. My life is all about me.
The only person I blame for making my life shitty is myself. She helped, yes, but I let her do the things she did. I chose to be a big baby about it and let her suck down years of my life. I let her ruin most of everything good in my life by not standing up for it. MY fault.
- I have ceased being judgemental. I can't judge others on the ways they live their lives. Maybe it's what feels right for them, and I can't judge anyone for that, because that's the way I live my life.
- Worry is Satan's bra. o_O I have no idea. Worry is the Pope's red lacy thong? I've stopped doing it. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. I don't believe in coincidence. I can't control every situation. I can do what I can, and then let go.
- Taking offense easily is for those who don't have enough self confidence. People who aren't sure of themselves, or people who feel they have something to prove, get offended easily. I used to be one of them.
Basically, I'm here to have fun with life, and love is my gasoline. Currently I'm running on a full tank following a car whose gasoline is different than mine. Life isn't so serious. It's short, and quite pointless, so I'm going to learn all I can while I'm here, and whatever comes after, if anything, will come whenever it feels like it. If nothing's after, just as well.
Fuck, man, I hate lifejournal. It's like heroine. No more. I'm going private if ever I write here again. Want to keep in contact with me?
Dragonf1re@hotmail.com
May the turduckin god grant you lots and lots of stuffed poultry.
If I knew then what I know now, I'd have killed myself long ago I'd be twice as wise now, wouldn't I?
There are certain things that sometimes you feel you can't live without, but you go on living daily without it in hopes that one day you'll be able to have it again. False hope like that should be outlawed by Baby Jesus.
Pictures are still up, souvenirs are still all around, because you're too weak to take them down. Because you feel that if you do, all hope is lost. Because those memories are too (bitter)sweet to let go of, but when remembered, they leave bite marks on your soul. When even thinking about . . . a certain subject, your heart sinks and you get a sudden wave of nervous desparation. Well, maybe not you.. GOD, my thoughts lack substance. I used to be a writer. Now, I am to writing what a literature major is to calculus.
My biggest mistake in life is not appreciating everything I have like it's the last day I'll have it.
I did it once before.. acted like he'd be there tomorrow.. for too long. And now that he's not, I'm going out of my mind. His perfection absolutely boggles me. I could drown in his eyes. I wish I had.
I'm not the person I once was. It's not fair to hold onto the idea of the person I used to be rather than letting it completely go and starting new. Not fair at all.
Words and thoughts bother my mind like a busy beehive, but I can't get them out. It's like someone plugged the opening. Such emotion floods my heart sometimes that it gives me a strange pang in my forehead.
If you thought I was dead, you were right. It's not the end of the world, but it has been the end of my world.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of story. No more old Steph. Exit stage left. New Steph, come in please.
Hi! To everyone that's been on livejournal for this long, OMFGWTF!!!! GET A GODDAMN NUTSACK AND GO LIVE. Livejournal is so overpopulated with slobbering, spoiled kids of the emo variety that have nothing better to do than whine about how life has fucked them over when all they need is a different point of view. For years I blamed my mother for ruining my life and making me live on a diet of lardy Jesus; being overbearing, overzealous, ignorant, closed-minded, judgemental, blind as a fucking bat... and the list goes on until Paris Hilton learns some humility. The only difference now is that I realize that she is all of those things, but I also realize that she is who she is, and I am who I am, and who she is can influence who I let myself become and the choices I make, but she has no control over me. I can choose to make my life more difficult by disregarding everything she says, or I can obey her and make life easier. My life is all on me and the choices I make. My life is all about me.
The only person I blame for making my life shitty is myself. She helped, yes, but I let her do the things she did. I chose to be a big baby about it and let her suck down years of my life. I let her ruin most of everything good in my life by not standing up for it. MY fault.
- I have ceased being judgemental. I can't judge others on the ways they live their lives. Maybe it's what feels right for them, and I can't judge anyone for that, because that's the way I live my life.
- Worry is Satan's bra. o_O I have no idea. Worry is the Pope's red lacy thong? I've stopped doing it. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. I don't believe in coincidence. I can't control every situation. I can do what I can, and then let go.
- Taking offense easily is for those who don't have enough self confidence. People who aren't sure of themselves, or people who feel they have something to prove, get offended easily. I used to be one of them.
Basically, I'm here to have fun with life, and love is my gasoline. Currently I'm running on a full tank following a car whose gasoline is different than mine. Life isn't so serious. It's short, and quite pointless, so I'm going to learn all I can while I'm here, and whatever comes after, if anything, will come whenever it feels like it. If nothing's after, just as well.
Fuck, man, I hate lifejournal. It's like heroine. No more. I'm going private if ever I write here again. Want to keep in contact with me?
Dragonf1re@hotmail.com
May the turduckin god grant you lots and lots of stuffed poultry.