(no subject)
I have been meaning to upload this pic for a while, for some reason it just blows me away. Seems like it should be in a movie or something, not in real life.
I have been having a ton of trouble sleeping recently and it sucks. I just lay there in bed and think like these same five things over and over again that all make me feel bad and keep me up. My only hope for repreave is to just think of blackness for like 10 minutes and hope that is good enough for me to fall asleep. It seems like my mind is trying to destroy itself from the inside, and I have very little say in the matter sadly. Life would be much easier if I did not go through these periods where I am just a wreck unable to think or concentrate on anything, and in a constant state of being nervous. Usually it just breaks one day I am fine when I wake up in the morning, but I wish there was some way for me to control what I am thinking a little more. I lay there in bed thinking "This is fucked up, it does not help me in any way to stew over stuff like this" over and over, and yet it seems hard to control.
I am not sure if I have gotten better or worse at getting myself out of funks and understanding why I do things as I have gotten older. I try to think about my actions and analyze my thoughts a lot more then I think most people do, but sometimes it seems they are so contridicting what I actually want that it begs the question of how much control I have over everything. I mean I would like to think that I could control my thoughts by now, and know what is best for me to dwell on and what is not, but I rarely succed in that regard.
Usually after making some ridiculous post like this I feel better though, so mabye tomarrow will be a little better than today, and I can start sleeping again. Some of the stuff that has me worried though is longer term then the stuff I usually worry about, so mabye I can resolve some of it or not freak out so much at least.
I am not going to appologize for always posting emo stuff or something inane like that, but I will say that I regret the fact that I need to post these, but as they often make me feel better I will continue making myself sound like an emo kid online.
I have been having a ton of trouble sleeping recently and it sucks. I just lay there in bed and think like these same five things over and over again that all make me feel bad and keep me up. My only hope for repreave is to just think of blackness for like 10 minutes and hope that is good enough for me to fall asleep. It seems like my mind is trying to destroy itself from the inside, and I have very little say in the matter sadly. Life would be much easier if I did not go through these periods where I am just a wreck unable to think or concentrate on anything, and in a constant state of being nervous. Usually it just breaks one day I am fine when I wake up in the morning, but I wish there was some way for me to control what I am thinking a little more. I lay there in bed thinking "This is fucked up, it does not help me in any way to stew over stuff like this" over and over, and yet it seems hard to control.
I am not sure if I have gotten better or worse at getting myself out of funks and understanding why I do things as I have gotten older. I try to think about my actions and analyze my thoughts a lot more then I think most people do, but sometimes it seems they are so contridicting what I actually want that it begs the question of how much control I have over everything. I mean I would like to think that I could control my thoughts by now, and know what is best for me to dwell on and what is not, but I rarely succed in that regard.
Usually after making some ridiculous post like this I feel better though, so mabye tomarrow will be a little better than today, and I can start sleeping again. Some of the stuff that has me worried though is longer term then the stuff I usually worry about, so mabye I can resolve some of it or not freak out so much at least.
I am not going to appologize for always posting emo stuff or something inane like that, but I will say that I regret the fact that I need to post these, but as they often make me feel better I will continue making myself sound like an emo kid online.