rebecca again
god i just dont want to be a replacement. has anyone ever felt like that? even after almost five months? i dont think its true. but i keep feeling like the ghosts of his past girls are always here. just lingering in the room. judging me. i keep trying to compare myself to people i dont know. wondering if im the best hes had yet, or if hed go back to someone else if he could. does he remember other girls when hes with me? does he wish i was like any of them? am i really a new expirience? am i just a filler? god im so paranoid. is something wrong with me? and sometimes i get suspicious that he's cheating. with no right to think so. just cuz he hangs out with amy, who is his freind from last year and has a bf, and had one when she knew him last year. because i know he loved so passionately in the past i wonder if he loves me that passionately. how do i rate on the list of gfs? make these thoughts go away!!!!!!!!! i dont want them. i hate them. they depress me and i cant talk about them. i am my own worst enemy. shut up brain! shut up. youre just too afraid of being hurt. you expect it too much. its not real. theres no reason for your suspision. gha. help me!
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