If I ran the world, I'd put Lawrence Taylor in charge of the cripples...
Before I went to work today, I saw an amusingly shitty movie on USA. It was called "In Hell", and the only reason I watched it was because the DirecTV thing listed LT as one of the stars.
However, it also starred Jean-Claude Van Damme. Booo Van Damme. Anyway, Van Damme was in Russia for some reason, and this guy broke into his house, attempted to rape his wife, then killed her (with a minor stab wound no less). Van Damme chases him into the street, they fight, and the cops show up. The guy gets found not guilty. So what would you do? Seek vengeance of course. Where would you do it? Right outside the courtroom by stealing a cop's gun and shooting the murderer. What? Didn't you all have that as your answer?
So off Van Damme goes to a Russian prison. And in this prison, of course, people are forced to fight each other for the entertainment of the guards and the general running the place. Van Damme makes a friend, who of course is a pansy. And what happens to pansies in prison? That's right. They get beaten and raped. Repeatedly. And I mean like 5 times through the movie, until he finally gets beaten to death. Hooray for prison rape!
And Van Damme's cellmate is LT... who is playing a preachy, fairly non-violent guy. Riiiight. I say fairly non-violent, because he refuses to fight... He does, however, murder his cellmates for talking too much. Other than that, he isn't very violent... except for setting a cripple on fire.
He buys some of what looks like paint thinner off of this guy in a wheelchair... then douses the cripple in that same paint thinner, and drops a match on him. GO LT, SETTING CRIPPLES ON FIRE!
He also ends up murdering the General in charge of the prison at the end, and downing a whole bottle of brandy while waiting for the guards to show up. Again, go LT...
Still, other than getting to see LT set a cripple on fire, it was an incredibly shitty movie.
And so ends my rant about roasted cripples. I bet the leg meat sucks...
However, it also starred Jean-Claude Van Damme. Booo Van Damme. Anyway, Van Damme was in Russia for some reason, and this guy broke into his house, attempted to rape his wife, then killed her (with a minor stab wound no less). Van Damme chases him into the street, they fight, and the cops show up. The guy gets found not guilty. So what would you do? Seek vengeance of course. Where would you do it? Right outside the courtroom by stealing a cop's gun and shooting the murderer. What? Didn't you all have that as your answer?
So off Van Damme goes to a Russian prison. And in this prison, of course, people are forced to fight each other for the entertainment of the guards and the general running the place. Van Damme makes a friend, who of course is a pansy. And what happens to pansies in prison? That's right. They get beaten and raped. Repeatedly. And I mean like 5 times through the movie, until he finally gets beaten to death. Hooray for prison rape!
And Van Damme's cellmate is LT... who is playing a preachy, fairly non-violent guy. Riiiight. I say fairly non-violent, because he refuses to fight... He does, however, murder his cellmates for talking too much. Other than that, he isn't very violent... except for setting a cripple on fire.
He buys some of what looks like paint thinner off of this guy in a wheelchair... then douses the cripple in that same paint thinner, and drops a match on him. GO LT, SETTING CRIPPLES ON FIRE!
He also ends up murdering the General in charge of the prison at the end, and downing a whole bottle of brandy while waiting for the guards to show up. Again, go LT...
Still, other than getting to see LT set a cripple on fire, it was an incredibly shitty movie.
And so ends my rant about roasted cripples. I bet the leg meat sucks...