Just seeing if anyone reads this anymore
Here're a few jokes I found on my Clan website.
Tam turned up at the local pub with his arm in a sling. His pals asked what had happened and he replied "If you must know, it got broken while I was fighting for a lassie's honour". His pals were impressed until he went on to say "Aye, she wanted to keep it".
MaDonald was on his deathbed. His wife Morag, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly: 'My darling Morag,' he whispered. 'Hush, my love,' she said. 'Rest. Shhh. Don't talk.' He was insistent. 'Morag,' he said in his tired voice. 'I have something I must confess to you.' 'There's nothing to confess,' replied the weeping Morag. 'Everything's all right, go to sleep.' 'No, no. I must die in peace, Morag. I slept with your sister, your best friend and your mother.' 'I know,' she replied. 'That's why I poisoned you.'
In order to find out which was the most popular painting amongst visitors to the Tate Gallery in London, a magazine ran a competition. Readers were asked to give an answer to the following question: "If the Tate Gallery were on fire and you were only allowed to save one painting which one would it be?" First prize went to a canny Scotsman who replied: "The one nearest the fire doors."
Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it
Patrick and Murphy out fishing and the motor packed in on the boat, Patrick says to Murphy what are we going to do now? Murphy say we'll just have to wait for help. After two days they are 40 miles from the coast and come across a bottle, Patrick opens the bottle and out pops a genie who grants them one wish - quick as a flash Patrick says turn the sea into Guinness and of course the sea is black with Guinness - Murphy says you stupid fool now we'll have to pee in the boat.
That's it for the jokes for now. I'm clearing out all my reserves of saved conversations that I kept to win arguments with people I'm not even talking to anymore. I left the ones that could conceivably come in handy in the future for people I might decide to talk to again, but you never know. I'm pretty good about staying angry at someone for lying, which is the cause of most of my arguments.
Well, until next time, always remember, if you gotta piss, it might as well be on an electric fence.
Tam turned up at the local pub with his arm in a sling. His pals asked what had happened and he replied "If you must know, it got broken while I was fighting for a lassie's honour". His pals were impressed until he went on to say "Aye, she wanted to keep it".
MaDonald was on his deathbed. His wife Morag, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly: 'My darling Morag,' he whispered. 'Hush, my love,' she said. 'Rest. Shhh. Don't talk.' He was insistent. 'Morag,' he said in his tired voice. 'I have something I must confess to you.' 'There's nothing to confess,' replied the weeping Morag. 'Everything's all right, go to sleep.' 'No, no. I must die in peace, Morag. I slept with your sister, your best friend and your mother.' 'I know,' she replied. 'That's why I poisoned you.'
In order to find out which was the most popular painting amongst visitors to the Tate Gallery in London, a magazine ran a competition. Readers were asked to give an answer to the following question: "If the Tate Gallery were on fire and you were only allowed to save one painting which one would it be?" First prize went to a canny Scotsman who replied: "The one nearest the fire doors."
Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it
Patrick and Murphy out fishing and the motor packed in on the boat, Patrick says to Murphy what are we going to do now? Murphy say we'll just have to wait for help. After two days they are 40 miles from the coast and come across a bottle, Patrick opens the bottle and out pops a genie who grants them one wish - quick as a flash Patrick says turn the sea into Guinness and of course the sea is black with Guinness - Murphy says you stupid fool now we'll have to pee in the boat.
That's it for the jokes for now. I'm clearing out all my reserves of saved conversations that I kept to win arguments with people I'm not even talking to anymore. I left the ones that could conceivably come in handy in the future for people I might decide to talk to again, but you never know. I'm pretty good about staying angry at someone for lying, which is the cause of most of my arguments.
Well, until next time, always remember, if you gotta piss, it might as well be on an electric fence.