questions about life
as i was laying in bed this morning i was thinking about my life and how much it seems like i can't or haven't done. I look at my YOUNGER siblings and they all have gone to school to some degree after graduating. i can't even really put the thoughts into words now anymore. i feel not so much a failure as just a let down. I'm i not cut out for the real world? to be an adult and deal with all the crap that goes along with it? Why can't i be a morning person and get up early and make my kids a great breakfast? Why can't i keep things all neat and tidy? why couldn't i have made a better wife? this isn't whining or ranting but merely questions I'm asking myself. Do my parents think less of me cause I'm not as accomplished as my younger 3 brothers and my sister? Did they not give me enough rules and chores and crap to do when i was younger? Is there something i should be doing to make sure my kids don't turn out like me? maybe I'm just defective and need some one to look after me. Why can't i work? why can't i be successful and have a good paying job and not need to rely on someone else? I have so many doubts about myself right now and maybe i'm just not cut out to be a wife/mother. My life now is not how i ever would have guessed and I'm jealous of those people i know with "normal" lives and families.