Sigh
Dear Diary,
I want to be a pretty girl. Period. Not "Pretty but..." Just pretty. Not pretty, but could stand to lose 15 pounds, not pretty but with frizzy hair, or too short, or too round, or too whatever and not enough something else...
I'm sick of going to the gym and watching myself jog faster and longer and lift more weight but still have jiggly thighs and a round tummy with love handles as the icing on the cake. I want to look like the other girls who go to the gym. I want perky boobs and a straight back.
I'm really sick of feeling like nobody who's good enough for me, or smart enough ever looks at me because I'm not as pretty as the other girls they can get. I am smart and motivated and independent and self sufficient. I can cook, I'm clean, and I am really good to people I care about. No one sees those things past my physical imperfections... no one sees past the "but's"...
If I were pretty, with no but's, could I get what I want? Would smart, motivated, caring, clean guys notice me? Do I scare guys off because I'm intelligent and independent? I don't understand.
I'll probably be over this tomorrow.
I want to be a pretty girl. Period. Not "Pretty but..." Just pretty. Not pretty, but could stand to lose 15 pounds, not pretty but with frizzy hair, or too short, or too round, or too whatever and not enough something else...
I'm sick of going to the gym and watching myself jog faster and longer and lift more weight but still have jiggly thighs and a round tummy with love handles as the icing on the cake. I want to look like the other girls who go to the gym. I want perky boobs and a straight back.
I'm really sick of feeling like nobody who's good enough for me, or smart enough ever looks at me because I'm not as pretty as the other girls they can get. I am smart and motivated and independent and self sufficient. I can cook, I'm clean, and I am really good to people I care about. No one sees those things past my physical imperfections... no one sees past the "but's"...
If I were pretty, with no but's, could I get what I want? Would smart, motivated, caring, clean guys notice me? Do I scare guys off because I'm intelligent and independent? I don't understand.
I'll probably be over this tomorrow.