What is really going through my head will never be known...
Simple request with odd reactions, that is how it goes with me this week. nothing really great i am hitting another work load that i pray will not eat me alive and i am struggling to not have my ass kicked by myself. Now back to the subject at hand i have been given an odd request and i am not too sure what to think about it, i don't hate the "request" i hate the past that fucked it up for me, i know that it might happen but i dont know what will happen aftarwards. think of it like a basic sandlot experience, "your not cool untill you do" that my not be the situation but it still lingers in my mind. The past few days i have been on an tireless stride to get myself in the physical shape that i really want but i dont think it will ever happen. My "status" with some things does not allow me to be the way that i am right now. Yet i am in request with others, and i am ashamed that who i am is not good eneough, what to do what to do. I am becoming what i feel as someone who is "physically liked" and i don't even like myself, and i may not have a thing to whine about but when i dont like myself i dont have faith in others asumption of the same. I have not heard from my lil anime boy in the past few days and i left him a message or 2 so i dont know what to think and im not mad at him i never was its just he changed from when i first met him and i dont know how to say that without making it sound like im stabbing him in the back i just miss the old Shibby.........to me he is acting like everything that he does is bad and dissapointing to me but it isnt and it bothers me that we wont just be himself and i dont know how to say it......unfortunitaly if i cant get ahold of him by the end of the week then i will asume the worst and take it like it is,(i guess will do about that). You know i think i will call some old friends of mine and go and do "SOMETHING" god knows what but something.
Laterz,
Vash
Laterz,
Vash