Why am I blogging?
So this is weird. The whole me blogging thing. Let's hope I'm done with that for a while.
So these past few nights I've been having actual, meaningful conversations with people. I know, crazy.
Well, I'm in a weird state of mind right now. (It could be the five hours of sleep over two days.)
So. My life and the things I've contemplated. (No joke, I actually thought about stuff.)
1. He said relationships are a distraction. He's right. I guess I'm chill with the idea of being single. Still. And doing the same things I said I would stop doing. Again.
No, really though? I'm cool. I'm not worried. I'm real mellow for the first time in a week of rollercoastering emotions. The semester is almost over and I just have to suck it up for a few more weeks.
And build up that wall around my heart again. You think I'd have learnt by now not to fall so fast.
"You'd really be happy with a one-time thing?"
It's better than never knowing.
2. Within an hour-long conversation (possibly shorter. probably longer.) with a (go figure) philosopher, my concepts of what I thought I believed were altered. I don't know if I accept the way he sees things, but it makes a Hell of a lot more sense than my way. He seems to have a hold on reality moreso than I do. Something is clearly working there.
Also, apparently I should work on my defense strategies. I thought I could hide my insecurities. I mean, the real ones, the ones you only talk about in deep conversation. Not the ones that you let the world see. Apparently, I can't. I'm convinced that he is extra-perceptive, but maybe my security is lax. Kuz, as anyone would know, it's hard to admit something that you hide deeply. It's harder when the reply is, "I know."
3. I'm ready to move on. I feel like I've wasted so much time here at college. I'm ready for next semester so I can take classes for my major. I just want to get a move-on. Especially since I probably won't get out of college for like four more years or so. And the field I want to go into has an age range.
And I'm sick of it here.
Actually, restless is a better word. I just have no focus. On anything. I need something new.
And everything is piling up all at once.
And in my sedated state of mind, I'm not sure I care.
Then again, when I think about it, anxiety floods over me. So I don't think about it...
Hm.
That's all for now.
We'll see what the future brings.
I wish I had more time to daydream...
Till next time,
-J X
So these past few nights I've been having actual, meaningful conversations with people. I know, crazy.
Well, I'm in a weird state of mind right now. (It could be the five hours of sleep over two days.)
So. My life and the things I've contemplated. (No joke, I actually thought about stuff.)
1. He said relationships are a distraction. He's right. I guess I'm chill with the idea of being single. Still. And doing the same things I said I would stop doing. Again.
No, really though? I'm cool. I'm not worried. I'm real mellow for the first time in a week of rollercoastering emotions. The semester is almost over and I just have to suck it up for a few more weeks.
And build up that wall around my heart again. You think I'd have learnt by now not to fall so fast.
"You'd really be happy with a one-time thing?"
It's better than never knowing.
2. Within an hour-long conversation (possibly shorter. probably longer.) with a (go figure) philosopher, my concepts of what I thought I believed were altered. I don't know if I accept the way he sees things, but it makes a Hell of a lot more sense than my way. He seems to have a hold on reality moreso than I do. Something is clearly working there.
Also, apparently I should work on my defense strategies. I thought I could hide my insecurities. I mean, the real ones, the ones you only talk about in deep conversation. Not the ones that you let the world see. Apparently, I can't. I'm convinced that he is extra-perceptive, but maybe my security is lax. Kuz, as anyone would know, it's hard to admit something that you hide deeply. It's harder when the reply is, "I know."
3. I'm ready to move on. I feel like I've wasted so much time here at college. I'm ready for next semester so I can take classes for my major. I just want to get a move-on. Especially since I probably won't get out of college for like four more years or so. And the field I want to go into has an age range.
And I'm sick of it here.
Actually, restless is a better word. I just have no focus. On anything. I need something new.
And everything is piling up all at once.
And in my sedated state of mind, I'm not sure I care.
Then again, when I think about it, anxiety floods over me. So I don't think about it...
Hm.
That's all for now.
We'll see what the future brings.
I wish I had more time to daydream...
Till next time,
-J X