Whining, ignore.
I've been doing it again. The mild depression spiral thing. You know, where you lay in bed 14 hours a day and spend the rest of it staring at a screen without much thought because anything else is just too hard. Like, "physically can't drag myself to a standing position" too hard.
I hate these spirals. I can't even read properly when I'm like this, let alone write, which is why you've all barely heard a peep from me commenting lately. (Re-reading things tends to be the exception, because I don't have the energy to get invested in anything but re-reads I'm already invested in. Apparently WIPs sort of count as re-reading in a way, so thank God for paian's and poisontaster's projects, recently).
It mostly tends to happen because I don't maintain a routine that saves me from it. In this case, I went to house-sit at wendy's (Awesome! Her dogs are such sweethearts), and I got sick, and the crap with Dustin, and then I just... lost my momentum, didn't do anything, started sleeping more and more, and ended up in it. I haven't done any basic household chores, exercised, written anything, or left the house for a social situation since the beginning of the year. These spirals generally go on for about a month until I realize how bad it's gotten, then I spend a week berating myself and trying desperately (and failing) to jolt myself out of it, then about a week of me managing tiny baby steps until I finally manage to get out of it. Right now, I think, I am in the "berating myself for it" stage.
Anyway, so I've spent my three weeks of doing nothing but work (which is actually going very well) and watching Boston Legal and Farscape (SERIOUSLY AWESOME, but I've already done all my babbling to miriad and anyway was taking it to an unhealthy extreme, so). The only real high point was the two hours I spent with a student breaking down Obama's inauguration speech line by line (My God, I want to find whoever wrote that speech and fuck him through a mattress. Jesus, that was beautiful).
And today my knee popped out. Which... I haven't done any exercise since October, and the knee has behaved itself for almost a year now, so I guess I was due. But it means that I HAVE to start swimming again. No ifs, ands, or buts, not if I want to, you know, not end up in pain. Except that I can't tonight like I was planning, because it's still all swollen.
GAH.
Needing to snap out of it now.
I hate these spirals. I can't even read properly when I'm like this, let alone write, which is why you've all barely heard a peep from me commenting lately. (Re-reading things tends to be the exception, because I don't have the energy to get invested in anything but re-reads I'm already invested in. Apparently WIPs sort of count as re-reading in a way, so thank God for paian's and poisontaster's projects, recently).
It mostly tends to happen because I don't maintain a routine that saves me from it. In this case, I went to house-sit at wendy's (Awesome! Her dogs are such sweethearts), and I got sick, and the crap with Dustin, and then I just... lost my momentum, didn't do anything, started sleeping more and more, and ended up in it. I haven't done any basic household chores, exercised, written anything, or left the house for a social situation since the beginning of the year. These spirals generally go on for about a month until I realize how bad it's gotten, then I spend a week berating myself and trying desperately (and failing) to jolt myself out of it, then about a week of me managing tiny baby steps until I finally manage to get out of it. Right now, I think, I am in the "berating myself for it" stage.
Anyway, so I've spent my three weeks of doing nothing but work (which is actually going very well) and watching Boston Legal and Farscape (SERIOUSLY AWESOME, but I've already done all my babbling to miriad and anyway was taking it to an unhealthy extreme, so). The only real high point was the two hours I spent with a student breaking down Obama's inauguration speech line by line (My God, I want to find whoever wrote that speech and fuck him through a mattress. Jesus, that was beautiful).
And today my knee popped out. Which... I haven't done any exercise since October, and the knee has behaved itself for almost a year now, so I guess I was due. But it means that I HAVE to start swimming again. No ifs, ands, or buts, not if I want to, you know, not end up in pain. Except that I can't tonight like I was planning, because it's still all swollen.
GAH.
Needing to snap out of it now.