So happy together
I have it pretty good really I have a beautiful happy healthy little girl, apparently exceptionally happy people keep coming up to me astonished wow what a happy baby, you are so lucky and I have to wonder are babies usually depressed all the time or upset? Now of course Isadora gets crabby lol And cries for her basic needs! But she's good and generally very happy she smiles and laughs a lot and claps and is super curious, I mean insanely curious. I have a good husband who is hot to me and an extremely considerate lover, a pretty decent apartment in walking distance to both the city and a little quiet natural retreat, I've got a gym membership (a requirement for me haha), plenty of hobbies, good books lol. The thing missing for me is family and community involvement (a job or activities where I do something and socialize). Right now I am pretty happy with myself as well, not just accepting my physical looks which I am more and more, I look alright really nothing wrong with me but myself too. I think having my shrine and spending a few minutes each morning there has helped, whenever I ask for things, I have to say they usually come true, I've been very lucky, sometimes even insanely lucky. Sam always wonders what I do at my shrine, what indeed lol I clap twice at the beginning and end use it as a moment to think of things I am grateful for and then sort of send good wishes to people and ask for help on things I am working on, a prayer sort of, only I am not exactly praying to God, more like sending an SOS to the universe lol It's a Shinto shrine, though I haven't done food offerings, I am afraid I'd forget it and have rotten food.
There's not too much about family I can fix, my dad is still a psychotic, alcoholic, abusive, depressive, cruel bastard that I can't let near Isadora not even with supervision, because he can't act decently even briefly with other people (he went to the bathroom at MacDonald's once and broke a man's arm for example this simple act and he could not manage it without violence) and he can't possibly not be plastered the whole time and making everyone hideously uncomfortable with sexual comments.
I decided to give it an earnest go with my mom, at least she's not evil and insane and dangerous like my other parental unit. In the past I've tried and tried to change her, hoping some how I could help her grow up a little you know or that she would just grow up after so many years, hoping I get her to talk honestly and deeply about anything at all but I am going to take a new approach just talking to her, getting to know her sharing my life with her, involving her but not expecting too much. I am a grown woman now and should just take care for myself. Still, moving to Sweden and having a social network and responsible adults who can babysit now and again will be nice!!!! I am reading this book and its sort of helping me look a little differently at my mom, and realize family is important to me.
Then there's the social thing, Jess who has a baby same age as Isadora exactly b/c they were born on the same day, wife of Sam's friend Ben mentioned now that she's a stay-at-home we should do some kind of baby and me thing, a swim class or something but has not followed up with me and its been maybe a month? I'll follow up with her if she doesn't want too I'll see if I can find something around here and do it by myself. If she takes too long getting back I'll join something then just invite her to join. But I want to get out in the community, no I must! Seriously Sam comes home and I talk his head off not having had adult conversation since he's been gone. I miss people!!! People around my age!!! I miss getting to know someone! The best conversation I had lately was with a checkout guy at Earthfare where we established babies and chipmunks know all the secrets of the universe. And that was pretty good, I enjoy weirdness. But just briefly talking to checkout guys isn't cutting it :-P It isn't even like I go to the store everyday, what the hell would I buy everyday except my way into poverty.
There's not too much about family I can fix, my dad is still a psychotic, alcoholic, abusive, depressive, cruel bastard that I can't let near Isadora not even with supervision, because he can't act decently even briefly with other people (he went to the bathroom at MacDonald's once and broke a man's arm for example this simple act and he could not manage it without violence) and he can't possibly not be plastered the whole time and making everyone hideously uncomfortable with sexual comments.
I decided to give it an earnest go with my mom, at least she's not evil and insane and dangerous like my other parental unit. In the past I've tried and tried to change her, hoping some how I could help her grow up a little you know or that she would just grow up after so many years, hoping I get her to talk honestly and deeply about anything at all but I am going to take a new approach just talking to her, getting to know her sharing my life with her, involving her but not expecting too much. I am a grown woman now and should just take care for myself. Still, moving to Sweden and having a social network and responsible adults who can babysit now and again will be nice!!!! I am reading this book and its sort of helping me look a little differently at my mom, and realize family is important to me.
Then there's the social thing, Jess who has a baby same age as Isadora exactly b/c they were born on the same day, wife of Sam's friend Ben mentioned now that she's a stay-at-home we should do some kind of baby and me thing, a swim class or something but has not followed up with me and its been maybe a month? I'll follow up with her if she doesn't want too I'll see if I can find something around here and do it by myself. If she takes too long getting back I'll join something then just invite her to join. But I want to get out in the community, no I must! Seriously Sam comes home and I talk his head off not having had adult conversation since he's been gone. I miss people!!! People around my age!!! I miss getting to know someone! The best conversation I had lately was with a checkout guy at Earthfare where we established babies and chipmunks know all the secrets of the universe. And that was pretty good, I enjoy weirdness. But just briefly talking to checkout guys isn't cutting it :-P It isn't even like I go to the store everyday, what the hell would I buy everyday except my way into poverty.