all in all
Looking at the past gives fruit to things like why, what and how come...the list tends to follow no particular order. I was conversing with an old friend the other day. We spoke of past friends and enemies. Wow a few names I had not even thought of in years. I have to admit I have no enemies. I met such a person last year. First could not remember a name nor place the face. I felt non of the anger I might have on another day. I suppose that it met I had moved on or maybe the importance I had affixed my anger was some how missing? We were strangers. Maybe the adage is true that if you hang on to the anger it still has power. I just no longer cared. True it could be that with all I have on my plate currently there simply was no room? I am no longer influenced by the drama so it does not matter. We held a polite conversation and in that time I felt nothing. We will not be friends but we can be civil. Like ships passing in the night who may never pass this way again. It simply is what it is...nothing more. Why do I say I have no enemies? because I have learned it takes an investment. Anger is something you need to feed. I don't have it to spare right now. Even at work I have nothing to feed the demon. *wry grin* I feel numb these days. Those whom feel superior in that they have reason to share their anger toward me can keep it as I have no time for them. Their problem not mine. Once again I notice how my yard reflects how I feel. It is dry and the grass is slowly turning yellow as it slowly fades into dirt. How sad it looks. I do not go out of doors much these days. Do you think it misses me? *chuckles* I am under the doctors order for now that I refrain from the sunshine as much as possible. Not hard as I have been doing so already. I am tired of fighting with everyone. The doctors, the insurance , the bills all of it. So I am waiting, maybe it will pass, maybe not. While I am sure it will pass, I hope it gets a little faster at doing so. I think too much and I am getting to the point I need to feel more and think less.