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[draegonhawke]

I'm asexual, though panphysical, and largely aromantic. I mistrust external significations made on relationships. I'm polyamorous, though I love slowly; I reserve judgment, I reserve trust, I'm not great at communicating my emotions to anyone, and I tend to dissect them interminably before going out and saying I have them. I dislike courting, I

Comments

[yetregressing]

First things first: I've already said this in a thousand places, each of those places probably a thousand times myself, but I love both of you very much, and I'm kind of weirdly proud of you both for taking this step; I think Aubrey once asked in chat if I was someone's tiny mother, and I kind of feel like that, even though I'm actually the tiniest of them all, or something. But I am really proud of you, and I love you and if I have to punch a lot of people to get there when you have a thing that makes this all official, just gimme five minutes to put on my boxing gloves and I'll be there in a heartbeat.

Secondly: since the announcement, I've been trying to explain to my mother what this all means, because it's something she kind of does have to know in terms of helping me arrange travel plans/getting me out of other commitments if necessary/etc. And thus far I've been kind of failing. Part of it is simple vocabulary--she didn't know until as of the day after the announcement was made on Twitter what the word 'polyamory' and so I think it's kind of shaken her world a little bit; it doesn't help much that even though I try, and I'm getting better, I have a limited patience for teaching things that to me, seem a part of regular life (a downside to having such an exceptionally open and wonderful group at the Rift, perhaps?) She's told me time and time again, when she asks questions, that she's not trying to make fun, she's genuinely trying to understand. And I try to explain it to her, but this post I think says it all much much better than anything I could ever say to her. Which leads to my question: would it be okay if I shared this with her? It's fine if not, and I don't want to turn your guys' thing into a learning experience for everyone, I just genuinely think it would help her understanding.

(Although she's already been kind of dismissive of the idea that I'm kind of aromantic, but she is right, I'm young and whatever. Mrrh. I need to get older faster.)

[draegonhawke]

I have no problem with it!

I think one way of explaining being aromantic is to point out that romance is heavily, heavily constructed by society. It's ritualized, and it's often a way of either wooing someone into a state of love with you, or of proving that they are in a state of love with you. If you're the kind of person who prefers relationships to come to be organically (without an endpoint in mind) or who doesn't feel like proof of the quality of your relationship comes from sweet nothings, flattery, candlelight dinners and implicit tests and expectations... well.

Romance always seems, in all of my observations of it, to come with conditions that have to be fulfilled. You have to offer flowers on your anniversary or chocolates on Valentine's Day, and if you don't, that's suspect. Romance has rules.