(no subject)
damn i hate how fucked up things get. why doesnt anyone believe me when i say im ok? i guess i suck at hiding it now. i wish i had more trust in ppl...maybe im just being parinoid but i have this weird feeling that im loosing one of the best things that has happened in my life...and i dont know what to do about it. like i really dont want to loose her but it feels like i dont really matter to her nemore...and that feeling sucks...a lot. wow i hate life. and on top of m fucked up family issues i have to worry about if im going on tour or not. so far i think i can probally get him to let me go...but idk for sure. im in Long Island right now trying to convince him to let me go. blah i really really want to die...and i wonder if neone would even notice if i did. i fuckin hate feeling like this. getting really really drunk tonight should help a lot. BLAH!!! fuck i forgot my toothbrush....great...damnit! i wish i had something happy to write about but right now im just so fuckin mad at the world and myself. idk if i can even describe how exactly i feel...mad...scared...hurt...replaced...unloved...unwanted....ummm yea thats about it i guess. blah...that works too...i wish i had someone right now that i could just talk to and tell me everything is gonna be ok...im having my doubts about that one. i hope everything will work out. i had a close call today...when i got droped off at the ferry i saw my mom...thank god she didnt see me but i still got the shit scared out of me when i saw her. i hope im never in that situation ever again. on a happier note if i do get to go to canada we leave in a week which rocks. i really hope i can go that would seriously make me that happiest person alive!!!!!