Melancholia
I won't be getting a new/newer car any time soon. I'm depressed about it, though not irretrievably so. I exerted effort to obtain loans with three dealers, and was denied. I'm upset about not being able to get a car, not for being denied loans. I'm not going to pitch a fit if someone won't lend me money.
Hit me last night that I don't have any close female friends to vent to. I have many casual friendships and acquaintances, and terrific coworkers, but no one who contacts me regularly or who I contact regularly. Mark is wonderful, and we talk about everything and have good times together, but sometimes I need someone else to talk to. I miss that. I want to have someone to confide in as much as I want to be there for someone who needs me. There are people I care about who are having major life changes and upheavals, and I don't find out about any of it until after the fact. In a way, that makes me feel like I've failed as a friend. But if they don't feel the need to let me know, then I guess the friendship just isn't as deep as I thought. I'm so confused.
So, off I go this weekend, resigned to cleaning and fixing up my old car. I'm thankful I have it, because it's certainly better than nothing.
Hit me last night that I don't have any close female friends to vent to. I have many casual friendships and acquaintances, and terrific coworkers, but no one who contacts me regularly or who I contact regularly. Mark is wonderful, and we talk about everything and have good times together, but sometimes I need someone else to talk to. I miss that. I want to have someone to confide in as much as I want to be there for someone who needs me. There are people I care about who are having major life changes and upheavals, and I don't find out about any of it until after the fact. In a way, that makes me feel like I've failed as a friend. But if they don't feel the need to let me know, then I guess the friendship just isn't as deep as I thought. I'm so confused.
So, off I go this weekend, resigned to cleaning and fixing up my old car. I'm thankful I have it, because it's certainly better than nothing.