FIC: Randy Roommates (R)
Title: Randy Roommates
Author: enchanted_jae
Prompt: # 27
Summary: Ron's rest is rudely interrupted by his randy roommates.
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Draco/Harry, Ron
Warnings: Drunken, sloppy sex
Word Count: 1200
Author's Notes: Many thanks to my beta clionona!
Randy Roommates
Ron could feel his lip curl into a sneer, and he made an effort to relax his features into a neutral expression. Hermione was too busy working on a research project to see him this weekend, which was the only reason Ron had agreed to accompany Harry and Malfoy to the club tonight. He hadn't anticipated being subjected to them groping and snogging one another at the table. They didn't act quite so randy at home, but then again, they didn't imbibe much alcohol at home, either.
Ron and Harry had gotten a flat together shortly after they had left Hogwarts. Hermione had gone to uni in Wales, and she lived in the dormitory there. Ron still saw her frequently, and everything had been going swimmingly... until Harry began seeing Draco bloody Malfoy. Not long after, there had been quite a scandal when Malfoy's parents had cast him out of the Manor. The next thing Ron knew, he was sharing a flat with Harry and Malfoy.
To be fair, it hadn't been so bad. Malfoy had gotten an apprenticeship with a potion maker, enabling him to contribute to the rent. He was pants at chores, but Harry took care of most of the cooking, while Ron utilized his mother's favorite cleaning spells to keep the flat from looking like a sty. When it had been just Ron and Harry, they had agreed to restrict any sexual activity to their respective bedrooms to avoid potentially embarrassing situations. It worked well, both when Hermione spent the night with Ron, and later, when Malfoy moved in with Harry.
The system enabled Ron to pretend that Harry and Malfoy were merely sharing a room, rather than sharing a bed. It wasn't that Ron was homophobic -- his own brother was gay, for Merlin's sake -- but he didn't want to spend too much time thinking about Harry and Malfoy in that way. Malfoy was a ferret-faced git, and Harry deserved better than him.
It was for that reason that Ron automatically sneered whenever Harry and Malfoy engaged in any activity that was even remotely affectionate. Coming to the club with them had been a mistake, as they clearly thought they now had free rein to get all touchy-feely. Ron was able to ignore it for the most part, but when Harry scooted off of his chair to straddle Malfoy's lap, he could stomach no more.
Ron threw some money on the table and announced, "I'm leaving."
Harry detached his lips from the ferret's long enough to mumble, "Bye, Ron." He then proceeded to suction onto Malfoy's face again.
Ron's sneer returned. "Try not to splinch yourself when you Apparate home, Harry," he said. "Feel free to splinch Malfoy, if you want."
Malfoy made a rude gesture behind Harry's back, without even coming up for air.
Ron swore under his breath and stalked away, searching for the club's Apparation point.
*****
Ron was jolted awake by a loud bang from the vicinity of the living room. He made a grab for his wand, but it slipped through his fingers and fell to the hardwood floor with a clatter. A loud giggle, followed by an even louder shushing sound alerted Ron that it was only Harry and Malfoy returning home. He leaned over and fumbled for his wand, inadvertently causing it to roll under his bed.
"Bloody hell," he huffed, flopping back into bed and dragging the blankets over his shoulders once more. He could search for his wand in the morning. Ron tried to go back to sleep, but Harry and Malfoy were making too much noise in the front room. "Arseholes," he muttered.
There was another bang and a couple thumps, followed by more giggling and shushing. Ron relaxed when all was blessedly silent for a few moments. He hoped that meant the daft, drunken sods had managed to stumble their way to bed.
"Oh, Draco..."
Ron's eyes popped open in the dark.
"Mm, Harry..."
"Hee hee! That tickles!"
"No, no, no," Ron chanted, tempted to cover his ears. They wouldn't dare shag anywhere but their bedroom. Would they?
"Get out of those troushers, Potter."
"Ha ha! You said 'troushers'... Oh god, Draco, yes!"
"Oh god, no!" Ron whimpered.
"What do we have here? Looks like little Harry is happy to see me."
"Are you going to let little Draco out to play, too?"
"You mean big Draco, don't you?"
"Oooh, Draco..."
Ron's face twisted in disgust, and he leaned over and patted the floor, searching desperately for his wand.
"We need some lubricate."
"Don't you mean lubricant?"
"All I know is, we can't without lube."
There followed more giggling from the living room and more cursing from Ron's room as he realized he was unable to locate his wand by touch. Ron heard footsteps from down the hall and the slam of one of the cupboard doors in the kitchen.
"I found some cocking oil! Cooking oil, rather!"
"Oil up that bad boy, and get back here!"
"Ow, damn it! Who put that chair there?!"
"It's always been there."
Ron wondered if it was too much to hope that Malfoy had been unmanned by stumbling into the chair.
"Nearly broke my cock."
"I'll kish...kiss it better."
"Ugh!" hissed Ron. He could handle the idea of his best mate being gay, so long as he didn't think about it too much. However, hearing Harry offer to kiss Malfoy's willy was beyond disturbing.
"Mm, yeah, Harry, that feels goooood..."
Ron yelped in horror and clamped his hands over his ears. It merely muffled the travesty going on beyond his door.
"Oh yeah...suck it, Harry, suck it...harder...yeah, you know what I like..."
Ron whimpered and assumed the fetal position on his bed.
"Stop, Harry, stop...wanna come inside you."
"Give it to me, Draco...fill me with your enormsus cock!"
Drawing the blankets over his head, Ron prayed one or both of them would pass out soon.
"Ungh, that feels good."
"You feel good...so hot and tight and hot."
"Yeah, Draco, yeah...mm, yeah..."
"You like that, Harry?"
"Yes, Draco, yes! More! Oh fuck yeah, right there!"
Ron gagged and clapped a hand over his mouth.
"Did I find your postrate, Harry? You like that, don't you?"
"Harder, Draco!"
"Shh! You'll wake Wealey-Weash... Ron!"
"Don't stop, Draco!"
"Please stop," whined Ron, pulling a pillow over his head to see if that would help drown out the enthusiastic, drunken shagging happening in the living room. It was no use; he could hear everything, from the moans and groans to the squeaking of that damned old sofa Bill had given them when Fleur wanted a new one for their home.
"Draco, oh Draco, I'm going...going to...I'm coming! Ohfuckyeah!"
Ron tried to hum, but even that didn't prevent him from hearing what was happening beyond his door.
"Oh, Harry, I'm coming to come, too...oh oh OH!"
All was silent for a moment, and Ron breathed a sigh of relief. He had survived, and perhaps he could persuade Hermione to Obliviate him later. Ron's reprieve was short-lived, however.
"Mm, Draco, that was fantastic."
"You're fantastic, Harry. You have the most perfect arsh in all of London."
"I can't take any more of this," Ron grumbled aloud. He flung his blankets back and rolled out of bed, intent on going to the door and yelling at his rude roommates to return to their own bedroom. Along the way, Ron stumbled over one of his shoes and lurched into his dresser, knocking several things off of it.
From the living room, there came a shout. "Oi, keep it down in there, Weasley! It's the middle of the night!"
** the end **
.
Author: enchanted_jae
Prompt: # 27
Summary: Ron's rest is rudely interrupted by his randy roommates.
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Draco/Harry, Ron
Warnings: Drunken, sloppy sex
Word Count: 1200
Author's Notes: Many thanks to my beta clionona!
Randy Roommates
Ron could feel his lip curl into a sneer, and he made an effort to relax his features into a neutral expression. Hermione was too busy working on a research project to see him this weekend, which was the only reason Ron had agreed to accompany Harry and Malfoy to the club tonight. He hadn't anticipated being subjected to them groping and snogging one another at the table. They didn't act quite so randy at home, but then again, they didn't imbibe much alcohol at home, either.
Ron and Harry had gotten a flat together shortly after they had left Hogwarts. Hermione had gone to uni in Wales, and she lived in the dormitory there. Ron still saw her frequently, and everything had been going swimmingly... until Harry began seeing Draco bloody Malfoy. Not long after, there had been quite a scandal when Malfoy's parents had cast him out of the Manor. The next thing Ron knew, he was sharing a flat with Harry and Malfoy.
To be fair, it hadn't been so bad. Malfoy had gotten an apprenticeship with a potion maker, enabling him to contribute to the rent. He was pants at chores, but Harry took care of most of the cooking, while Ron utilized his mother's favorite cleaning spells to keep the flat from looking like a sty. When it had been just Ron and Harry, they had agreed to restrict any sexual activity to their respective bedrooms to avoid potentially embarrassing situations. It worked well, both when Hermione spent the night with Ron, and later, when Malfoy moved in with Harry.
The system enabled Ron to pretend that Harry and Malfoy were merely sharing a room, rather than sharing a bed. It wasn't that Ron was homophobic -- his own brother was gay, for Merlin's sake -- but he didn't want to spend too much time thinking about Harry and Malfoy in that way. Malfoy was a ferret-faced git, and Harry deserved better than him.
It was for that reason that Ron automatically sneered whenever Harry and Malfoy engaged in any activity that was even remotely affectionate. Coming to the club with them had been a mistake, as they clearly thought they now had free rein to get all touchy-feely. Ron was able to ignore it for the most part, but when Harry scooted off of his chair to straddle Malfoy's lap, he could stomach no more.
Ron threw some money on the table and announced, "I'm leaving."
Harry detached his lips from the ferret's long enough to mumble, "Bye, Ron." He then proceeded to suction onto Malfoy's face again.
Ron's sneer returned. "Try not to splinch yourself when you Apparate home, Harry," he said. "Feel free to splinch Malfoy, if you want."
Malfoy made a rude gesture behind Harry's back, without even coming up for air.
Ron swore under his breath and stalked away, searching for the club's Apparation point.
*****
Ron was jolted awake by a loud bang from the vicinity of the living room. He made a grab for his wand, but it slipped through his fingers and fell to the hardwood floor with a clatter. A loud giggle, followed by an even louder shushing sound alerted Ron that it was only Harry and Malfoy returning home. He leaned over and fumbled for his wand, inadvertently causing it to roll under his bed.
"Bloody hell," he huffed, flopping back into bed and dragging the blankets over his shoulders once more. He could search for his wand in the morning. Ron tried to go back to sleep, but Harry and Malfoy were making too much noise in the front room. "Arseholes," he muttered.
There was another bang and a couple thumps, followed by more giggling and shushing. Ron relaxed when all was blessedly silent for a few moments. He hoped that meant the daft, drunken sods had managed to stumble their way to bed.
"Oh, Draco..."
Ron's eyes popped open in the dark.
"Mm, Harry..."
"Hee hee! That tickles!"
"No, no, no," Ron chanted, tempted to cover his ears. They wouldn't dare shag anywhere but their bedroom. Would they?
"Get out of those troushers, Potter."
"Ha ha! You said 'troushers'... Oh god, Draco, yes!"
"Oh god, no!" Ron whimpered.
"What do we have here? Looks like little Harry is happy to see me."
"Are you going to let little Draco out to play, too?"
"You mean big Draco, don't you?"
"Oooh, Draco..."
Ron's face twisted in disgust, and he leaned over and patted the floor, searching desperately for his wand.
"We need some lubricate."
"Don't you mean lubricant?"
"All I know is, we can't without lube."
There followed more giggling from the living room and more cursing from Ron's room as he realized he was unable to locate his wand by touch. Ron heard footsteps from down the hall and the slam of one of the cupboard doors in the kitchen.
"I found some cocking oil! Cooking oil, rather!"
"Oil up that bad boy, and get back here!"
"Ow, damn it! Who put that chair there?!"
"It's always been there."
Ron wondered if it was too much to hope that Malfoy had been unmanned by stumbling into the chair.
"Nearly broke my cock."
"I'll kish...kiss it better."
"Ugh!" hissed Ron. He could handle the idea of his best mate being gay, so long as he didn't think about it too much. However, hearing Harry offer to kiss Malfoy's willy was beyond disturbing.
"Mm, yeah, Harry, that feels goooood..."
Ron yelped in horror and clamped his hands over his ears. It merely muffled the travesty going on beyond his door.
"Oh yeah...suck it, Harry, suck it...harder...yeah, you know what I like..."
Ron whimpered and assumed the fetal position on his bed.
"Stop, Harry, stop...wanna come inside you."
"Give it to me, Draco...fill me with your enormsus cock!"
Drawing the blankets over his head, Ron prayed one or both of them would pass out soon.
"Ungh, that feels good."
"You feel good...so hot and tight and hot."
"Yeah, Draco, yeah...mm, yeah..."
"You like that, Harry?"
"Yes, Draco, yes! More! Oh fuck yeah, right there!"
Ron gagged and clapped a hand over his mouth.
"Did I find your postrate, Harry? You like that, don't you?"
"Harder, Draco!"
"Shh! You'll wake Wealey-Weash... Ron!"
"Don't stop, Draco!"
"Please stop," whined Ron, pulling a pillow over his head to see if that would help drown out the enthusiastic, drunken shagging happening in the living room. It was no use; he could hear everything, from the moans and groans to the squeaking of that damned old sofa Bill had given them when Fleur wanted a new one for their home.
"Draco, oh Draco, I'm going...going to...I'm coming! Ohfuckyeah!"
Ron tried to hum, but even that didn't prevent him from hearing what was happening beyond his door.
"Oh, Harry, I'm coming to come, too...oh oh OH!"
All was silent for a moment, and Ron breathed a sigh of relief. He had survived, and perhaps he could persuade Hermione to Obliviate him later. Ron's reprieve was short-lived, however.
"Mm, Draco, that was fantastic."
"You're fantastic, Harry. You have the most perfect arsh in all of London."
"I can't take any more of this," Ron grumbled aloud. He flung his blankets back and rolled out of bed, intent on going to the door and yelling at his rude roommates to return to their own bedroom. Along the way, Ron stumbled over one of his shoes and lurched into his dresser, knocking several things off of it.
From the living room, there came a shout. "Oi, keep it down in there, Weasley! It's the middle of the night!"
** the end **
.